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<img src="capture.png">
[[Welcome Aboard]]"That's it, step forward, don't be shy. I can't say that we've
met before - this organization gets bigger all the time. My
name is James diGriz, sometimes called Slippery Jim, or
even the Stainless Steel Rat, or occasionally Il Titano di
Accaio, or Ratinox, or if you haven't heard of me what the
blazes are you doing in the Special Corps?!
Excuse me, shouldn't lost my temper with new recruits,
heh-heh. Have a drink, I'll join you - what? - you don't
drink reconstituted Jovian Lynxbat sweat? What is the
Corps coming to . . .?
Anyway, you're a strapping recruit. Are the recruits
getting younger - or am I getting older - DON'T
ANSWER THAT! Let us kindly stick with the matter in
hand. Which is . . . I have a note here somewhere, yes,
here it is.
Welcome to the Special Corps, oh new recruit. You hold
in your hand your first assignment as a Trainee Field
Agent, this assignment being cunningly designed as a
paperback, role-playing book - which it is not! I cannot
stress that fact too firmly. What appears to be paper is
really indestructible impervium - don't try to tear a page or
it will slice your fingers to ribbons.
You have just failed your first test, oh potential Full
Field Agent who is now acting like a dumb recruit. You
tore the page, didn't you? From now on you will obey
orders instantly without thinking. By reflex. Because you
are in the Corps now"
[[Next|30]]Now that's more like it. Should you accept this assignment,
and you have absolutely no choice in the matter anyway,
you will be transmitted by the newly invented, and still not
reliable, matter transmitter to the planet Skraldespand.
Your task will be a simple one. You will search for and
find a certain scientist by the name of Prof Geisteskrank.
When you find him just shake his hand, while pressing the
button on this pocket matter-transmitter at the same time.
You will both return here and that is that.
Questions? What do you mean you have questions? No,
this is not kidnapping. You might call it a matter of
protective custody. It seems that the good professor, besides
being as nutty as a bag of cashews, has invented a weapon
of such awful destruction that I shiver thinking about it.
You better shiver too - THAT IS AN ORDER! - good,
because if you don't complete this assignment it may mean
the end of the universe as we know it. Or rather as I know
it because I know it a lot better than you do, recruit. So get
out there and win! The die is cast, the matter transmitter
turned on, and you are whisked away instantly
[[Next|42]]Well, here you are on sunny Skraldespand . . . What do
you mean that it's miserable and raining and snowing at
the same time? We have no wimps in the Special Corps!
Do your job and you too will soon save the universe in the
manner made famous by, and I blush to say it, me.
Some facts I forgot to mention before we got here:
Skraldespand is a prison planet where the dregs of a
thousand worlds are dumped. No, don't press the button
on your pocket matter-transmitter anymore, it won't work
until you have Prof. Geisteskrank by the hand. And, no,
you can't have a gun. People can get killed that way,
yourself included. You have the equipment I usually carry
- smokebombs, sleep gas bombs, pocket-knife, dehydrated
alcohol drink, nose filters so you don't sleep-gas yourself
bye-byes, five silver and five gold coins, a minimedic and
two horror comics for reading when things get dull.
So goodbye and good luck. I'll be seeing you again. I
hope.
[[Next|62]]Well, oh new and frightened recruit field agent, I said that
I would be seeing you again - but you won't be seeing me.
Complicated? You betcha, because that's what life is like,
complicated I mean. The explanation is this. I am now
back in the Special Corps Main Base, with a cool drink in
my hand and my head stuffed into a metal helmet. This
helmet is part of a machine called an Interspacial Cortical
Interpreter. Or ICI for short. No, it is not pronounced
Icky! Are you a wise guy or something? You had better
listen closely because, lo!, your very existence may depend
upon ICI. Here's how it works.
I can look out through your eyes, see what you see - and
give you sage advice. But the decisions are up to you. We
shall begin and you will grow to understand the ramifica-
tions and complications of this technique.
Right now you are walking along the road going towards
the woods. The rain has stopped but it is still windy -
watch out for falling branches. The path winds away among
the trees, the wind is keening through the boughs, pretty
spooky, hmm? But it doesn't bother you, no! You're a
recruit for the Corps and you laugh at danger!
Speaking of danger - you can stop laughing now! - there
is movement ahead, someone is coming. That's it, stop and
wait, good, a figure appears . . .
And what a figure! A lovely young lady. Now is your
chance to show what you are made of! You can bug out of
here - or you can smile and speak to her.
[[Leave|14]]
[[Stay for a chat|99]]That was very smart thinking. You never know who - or
what - you can trust on this prison planet. Things are not
nice here. Go back the way you came and . . . you heard a
rustling? Someone in the woods there! A dim shape emerg-
ing . . . it is surely a shape that you recognize - indeed! It
is that girl again. I think she likes you, going to all that
trouble to find you. You want to meet her?
[[Next|99]]Well, we all make mistakes - and this one was a beaut. Do
you wonder why it is so dark? That is because you have
been knocked out with a whiff of narcogas. Now open your
eyes - but you won't like what you see.
That's right. You have handcuffs on your wrists and
your ankles are chained together. Admittedly, they are
gold chains - but does that help? But wait, the lovely
creature who trapped you is speaking . . .
'You're new here, aren't you bowb? It's easy enough
to tell. Only a newcomer would let anyone get that close.
My monniker is Betsy Booster, but you can call me Betsy
like everyone else does. I'm called Booster because I
specialized in boosting payrolls. Stealing is what they
called it when they finally caught me. Sent me to this
prison planet to save society from my sinister influence.
Biggest mistake they ever made. I like it here. Life is
interesting. I trap new arrivals like you and let them
work for me, slave for me, and when they are burnt out
husks I sell them. Ha-ha! And you will work - or else.
And don't ask what the or else is. I shudder at the
thought.
'So here we go. This road will take us to Groannsville.
The Duke of Groann is raising an army - and I'll get a
good price for you. Move it!'
As you stumble along in your chains, you think how
lucky you have been. Yes, lucky! Betsy didn't search you -
because convicted prisoners are always sent here empty-
handed and unarmed. But not you!
That's it - let your hand slip into your pocket as you
walk. Your fingers touch a bomb - draw it out - now!
BOOOOOMM!
But what kind of a bomb did you throw? Here's how you
find out. To determine the course of future events you will
need to use an amphisbenic bipolar determinator.
What, you have never heard of an APB, which is the
common term for an amphisbenic bipolar determinator?
What, you have never heard of an APB, which is the
common term for an amphisbenic bipolar determinator?
You've got one right there in your change. Take it out,
that's right, a real APB.
Yes, all right, it's called a coin too, an even more
common term for an APB. The operating instructions are
. . . Ohh? You know how to operate an APB?
That's right, flip it into the air. Let it land, look at it. If
it is:
[[HEADS|106]]
[[TAILS|189]]
Well, some days nothing seems to go right. You grabbed
the gas bomb all right - but Betsy is a fast girl and seized it
and hurled it away. But you were fast too - oh, boy! - and
you took the chance to throw a smokebomb too. But,
unhappily, because of your chains you couldn't escape in
the darkness - and Betsy gave you a black eye for your
trouble. You're still on your way to Groannsville. But -
look - there is someone else approaching!
What an ugly bloke! Fists like hams, eyes like yams,
hair like a lamb's! He may sound edible, but he is still
nasty. He's running this way now, waving a club. Betsy is
squaring off in a karate fighting stance.
There is going to be a battle. They look evenly matched.
Say - if you help one of them win you may get out of this
fix. So do something!
[[Help Betsy|94]]
[[Help The Thug|65]]
Well, some days nothing seems to go right. That was the
smokebomb you grabbed. Because of your chains, you
couldn't escape in the darkness - and Betsy gave you a
black eye for your trouble. You're still on your way to
Groannsville. But - look - there is someone else
approaching!
What an ugly bloke! Fists like hams, eyes like yams,
hair like a lamb's! He may sound edible but he is still
nasty. He's running this way now, waving a club. Betsy is
squaring off in a karate fighting mode.
There is going to be a battle. They look evenly matched.
Say - if you help one of them win you may get out of this
fix. So do something!
[[Help Betsy|94]]
[[Help The Thug|65]]It was a tough battle, for Betsy Booster knows how to
fight. But your biting her ankle gave this ugly mug the
edge and she has now fled into the woods. The Brute turns
to you, scowling and growling, lifting his club - and you
have second thoughts. Too late! He speaks . . .
'Oh, thank you, young gentleperson! I came to your
aid to free you and you must have divined my motives.'
He throws the club aside and snaps your chains like
threads.
'I am Arbuthnot the Rejected, led to a life of crime
because the world has rejected me, sent to this prison
planet for crimes too unspeakable to speak about. Only
you have ever befriended me and I shall not forget that.
Go in peace, dear friend - and feel that you can always
count on Arbuthnot for aid!'
After these kind words you will enjoy waving goodbye to
the dear fellow.
[[Next|48]]It was quite a battle - but your help turned the tide! How
the thug screamed and ran away when you bit his ankle.
Tasted horrible, didn't it? But enough, Betsy approaches,
smiling, reaching for your chains. She speaks:
'Thanks for nothing - sucker! You still stay my slave!
Ha-Ha!'
Laughing, she pulls you to your feet by the chains and
boots you down the road. Are you beginning to regret your
decision? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Maybe the
ugly thug might have helped you - Betsy certainly didn't.
But - hark! - is that a noise in the woods? Is someone
there? Yes, it is the ugly thug. He has not gone away. You
get a second chance. Do you want to take a chance?
[[Call to the Thug|65]]
[[Do Nothing|7]]Rarely in life do we get a second chance. You just got a
second chance.
[[Next|94]]Dark, dark forest, deep forest - hey, that sounds kind of
familiar . . .
The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
That's from a poem, yes it is, written back on Dirt or
Earth or whatever it was called. Do you know who wrote
it?
[[You think it was Robert W. Service...|61]]
[[You are sure it was written by Robert Frost...|67]]You can't be punished because poetry wasn't your big
subject in school. It was by Frost. All is
forgiven.
[[Next|67]]Well it is still pretty dark in the woods but at least you
don't have to worry anymore about poetry. Walk carefully
now, who knows what evil lurks among those trees . . .
What's this? The road divides into four ahead. That is
surely an oddball way to lay out roads. Ahh, well, decisions,
decisions. I hope that you haven't forgotten your mission.
You should get to Groannsville to get information about
Prof. Geisteskrank. But which road should you take? Don't
ask me - I'm as new to this broken-down planet as you are.
But hark - footsteps approach. That's it, hide behind a
bush, you're learning fast.
It's an old man leaning on a staff. Maybe you should
have a staff like that yourself? Come in handy, with all the
bashing about around here. That's it, dig in your pocket.
Get out your pocket knife.
[[Use the Knife to Cut a Staff |97]]
[[Hold the Knife as a Weapon|146]]The old man is wary - but doesn't seem to be frightened of
your staff. Just don't go too close. Now question him about
the roads. Louder - he's cupping his ear.
'What's that you say, young'un, the road to Groanns-
ville? I wouldn't go there if I was you, terrible place. The
old Count's hobby is torture machines. You must go,
you say, well then - you'll be sorry - you take the south
road.
'Louder - can't hear you. Them other roads? Why the
north road goes to the dismal swamp, horrible place.
East road leads to the prison warden. West road - if
you're hungry - goes to the robot-operated free soup
kitchen. That's all right, don't thank me - stop kissing
my hand you young rascal!'
Nice old man wasn't he? Or was he? Can you trust
anyone on this prison planet? Well, make your mind up
you young rascal. Where do you go next?
[[North|193]]
[[East|174]]
[[South|186]]
[[West|129]]Some people just never learn. Violence doth breed violence,
yeah, verily. The little old man was so frightened by
your knife that he bashed you over your head and fled.
Remember, this planet is covered with convicted criminals,
so anyone with a weapon will be considered an attacker.
That's it - look sheepish and put the knife away. No,
hold it! Cut a staff first. That will give you protection
without your appearing to be threatening.
Finished? Good. Since you have frightened off the only
help you have had, why you'll just have to guess which
road to take:
[[North|193]]
[[East|174]]
[[South|186]]
[[West|129]]Look, up ahead - a big tent with robots serving food. That
must be the Soup Kitchen. That's it, get on the end of the
line, you should be hungry by now. While you're waiting
why don't you ask the nice man ahead of you where
Groannsville is?
[[Ask Him|101]]
[[Don't Ask Him|20]]It's getting dark - looks like a storm coming up. Cold,
rainy and spooky. Nice. What's that? Your feet are wet?
How can your feet be wet already - and your legs too? I see
now. The road is gone and you are up to your knees in
mud. And sinking.
I have a feeling that you are in the dismal swamp. What
do you do next?
[[Scream Wildly for Help|12]]
[[Use your Staff to Push Yourself Clear|33]]What a road! Dusty, awful - but you are strong and fearless
- trudge on. You have no choice, keep trudging. You will enjoy being there . . .
[[Next|180]]What's that ahead? If mine eyes don't deceive me, there is
a walled city coming up ahead. And if you listen closely
you can hear a distant groaning. This could only be
Groannsville. That wall will be difficult to climb - but you
could always go in through the front gate. What about the
armed guards there? You might very well ask - what about
them? It's your decision - I'm just along for the ride.
[[Take a Chance on the Gate|175]]
[[Climb the Wall|86]]What a dusty road, but on you go, very strong of you. And
there ahead is a giant building made of riveted steel.
Doesn't look nice. No doors - but there is a telephone on
the wall - with a sign next to it that reads: THE PRISON
WARDEN MUST NOT BE BOTHERED. GO AWAY.
Simple enough. If you want to go back to the crossroads,, the old man may be back and he could tell you the
way. Or if you feel bold, you can try to talk to the warden
on the phone.
[[Go Back to the Crossroads|97]]
[[Talk to the Warden on the Phone|46]]So what if he bit your ankle when you talked to him? You
knocked him out with an uppercut. Time to get something to eat.
[[Next|20]]Tummy full? Good. I don't know if you want any advice -
but I would go back to the crossroads to see if the old man has come back
- and ask him the way.
[[Next|97]]Now wasn't he nice? He told you how to find
Groannsville...But he could be lying.
[[Take his Advice|193]]
[[Go Back to the Crossroads|97]]That did it all right. Someone's coming through the woods.
Pulling you out, saving your life, you've lost your staff -
but you are saved.
Or are you? Do you recognize that great build and wild
laughter? I thought you might. It's Betsy Booster - and she
has caught you again.
So, kicking and screaming you are dragged once more. But you are in luck - Arbuthnot is there as well. This
time you should know what to do!
[[Next|65]]What's that? Louder - I can't hear you if you keep putting
your head under the mud like that. You're still sinking?
Pushing with the staff isn't doing any good.
You'd better start screaming then.
[[Next|12]]
Won't you ever learn? Stay away from people on this planet.
No good can ever come of meeting them. The guards simply
grabbed you and threw you into this prison cell. You'll end
up a slave for life if you don't get out of here.
That's it - dig through your pockets, you didn't bring all
that expensive field agent equipment for nothing. No, not
the horror comic, this is no time for reading. The guard
will be here soon - he's unlocking the door now. Choose -
quickly!
[[It's a Smoke Bomb|64]]
[[It's a Gas Bomb|29]]You're on top of the wall - no one in sight, a quick drop to
the ground. Now whistling casually you stroll out into the
busy castle yard . . .
What next? A lot of nasty looking people here. Just a
few that don't look like criminals. The small boy - and the
old lady. You want to talk to one of them? Why not.
[[Whisper to the Kid|137]]
[[Talk to the Old Lady|25]]Well, the ruse seems to have worked that time. The guard
is screaming and thrashing around in the smoke - he
sounds angry. But he left the cell door open. You're getting
the idea; crawl out on your hands and knees, feel your way
down the hall. The smoke's thinning out - now run!
It's a long hall isn't it - so why are you stopping? Ohh,
you hear voices - and there they are. Six soldiers - all
heavily armed.
[[Throw a Gas Bomb|114]]
[[Throw a Smoke Bomb|175]] That hurt, I know. Believe me I really feel sorry for you,
even though I feel nothing myself. Look, we all make
mistakes. I might even have done the same thing. Very few
people in this galaxy are immune to my sleep gas bombs.
In fact that thug is the only one I have ever met.
Just wait until the door is opened again. This time you
will have to use the smokebomb.
[[Next|64]]Why does the kid look so frightened and shy away from
you? Have you bathed lately? No, that is not the reason
you believe, it is because this is a world of violence and
everyone is afraid of everyone else. Not a very profound
observation, but you are probably right. So what do you
do? Play the role like everyone else and twist the kid's arm
so he'll tell you where to find Prof. Geisteskrank? Or do
you want to bribe him with a small coin?
[[Bribe Her|90]]
[[Twist her Arm and Scream|167]]Why does the old dear look so frightened and shy away
from you? Have you bathed lately? No, that is not the
reason, it is because this is a world of violence and everyone
is afraid of everyone else. Not a very profound observation,
but you are probably right. So what do you do? Play the
role like everyone else and twist granny's arm so she'll tell
you where to find Prof. Geisteskrank? Or do you want to
bribe her with a small coin?
[[Bribe her with a Small Coin|90]]
[[Twist her Arm and Screa|167]]I can understand your being a little bitter - but did you
have to walk on top of the unconscious bodies? What do
you mean shut up? Is that a way to speak to your superior
officer. What are you doing now?
Ann, so. An open window, a careful look outside, no
one in sight, a quick drop to the ground. Now whistling
casually, you stroll out into the busy castle yard . . .
What next? A lot of nasty looking people here. Just a
few that don't look like criminals. The small boy - and the
old lady. You want to talk to one of them? Why not.
[[Whisper to the Kid|137]]
[[Talk to the Old Lady|25]]The bribe seems to have worked. The instructions were
clear enough. A right turn here, then a left turn . . .
And you've walked right into the arms of the guards,
who are really sort of angry. They grab you and hustle you
off.
[[Next|175]]You're a bit of a sadist, aren't you? Yes, I understand you
weren't before you came to this pesky planet. But at least
the arm twist seems to have elicited some response. Leave
us hope that it is the right one. Over the castle wall, south
on the road, then look for a crossroads with a sign pointing
towards Hestelort. That's where the prof is supposed to
hang out. There's the crossroads now - but there is also a
sign pointing to Svinelort. Now the point is - should you
believe your torture-extracted confession? Over to you.
[[Choose Hestelort|92]]
[[Choose Svinelort Instead|53]]There it is, right up ahead, the fine old county seat of
Hestelort. No it's not, the tattered sign says Svinelort -
which means the road signs have been turned around. So
what do you do? Go ahead to this filthy place or go back and try the other road?
[[Go ahead|200]]
[[Go back|53]]No, don't turn and run away! The sign says Hestelort -
but it doesn't look that great. Still, you're not going to set
up housekeeping here. All you need is some info on the
whereabouts of the evil Prof. Geisteskrank. But take some
precautions for a change, won't you? I can't feel all the
knocks on the head that you have had - but looking out
through your eyes gives me the impression that they are
plenty bloodshot.
See the nice tavern up ahead there? What does the
signboard read? THE HANGING COPPER, my, my, along with
a nice painting of a blue-coated minion of justice swinging
from a gibbet. No, it is not a bad omen, don't get chicken
now. You really can't expect the denizens of a prison planet
to love the law. Push on! If you go in for a cooling beer or if you are getting tired of taking chances
maybe you ought to see if anyone comes out ...
[[Beer|139]]
[[Wait|139]]If you said Sulphuric Acid score 578 points and proceed. But, hark - it speaks!
'One last chance, dumb squishy one. What important
event occurred in 1066 A.D., Old Dirt Time, which was a
damn long time ago?'.
[[Proceed On|229]]
[[Answer The New Question|298]]Whether you answered the Battle of Hastings or not appears
make no difference and scores no points in this futile
game because the Star Beast is sound asleep and snoring
but clouds of smoke. You also note that Prof. Geisteskrank
was only feigning sleep on his part and had really been
working to open his cage and has done so and has already
escaped through the door marked EXIT.
[[Rush after Him|35]]
[[Proceed with trepidation|197]]Of course I know that you are tired, so a small rest is in
order. Better now? Push on up the hill to the path. This
should lead back to Crapper's Castle - but you will be a
little more careful this time. Just two invisibility charges
left in the belt, you know. Hsst! Thrashings and crunchings
from around the bend. If you have had enough bashing
about for a bit you can turn off the path and creep stealthily
away. If, however, you want to see what is happening
you can peep around the bend.
[[Turn off the path|4]]
[[Peep around the bend|216]]That is one difficulty avoided. But I think I hear another.
Isn't that a moaning from the bushes over there? Could be
a trap of some kind - or it could be someone in desperate
need. You want to investigate? You do have the makings of
a field agent after all!
[[Next|134]]Horrors! A great brute with a club - it can only be Sluj the
Slaver, and besides that, look at that row of chained slaves.
I remember when he was sent to this prison planet for
crimes too hideous to mention. He is beating that guy on
the ground. But look, that is no ordinary guy! There could
not be two faces in the galaxy as ugly as that. It is
Arbuthnot the Rejected who befriended you.
[[Next|44]]Yes, the beach is closer. You land safely. Oh, well, perhaps
my fears were all to naught. Yes, laugh, I deserve that. But
what is that that rustles in the bushes?
[[Next|218]]Thugs. Lots of them. They beat down your feeble resist-
ance, you should have listened to me, and a club silences
the curses on your lips, you shouldn't refer to your
superiors that way, and as you sink into unconsciousness
you turn to 28.Don't hang your head in shame. So you missed, so what?
So you missed two in a row. So what? So he is neck and
neck with you and you have to hit this next one or you
lose. So don't think about it. Draw and fire and good luck...
[[HEADS|9]]
[[TAILS|286]]
That nice young man with his back to the tree has a kind
of crunched leg. But that is his problem - not yours. You
have the galaxy to save, don't forget. Move back to the
path, This has nothing to do with you or if you insist on poking your nose into his affairs...
[[Go back|169]]
[[Check on him|38]]
You've done it! Bullseye number three and you are the
winner. Robbing Good, poor loser he, throws his bow on
to the ground and jumps up and down on it. Oh well, let
him have his tantrum. You smile and watch and when he is
done you tell him to pay up. He must do you the favour,
the promised favour.
'Yeah, yeah, I know, the favour. I even know what it
is.'
He knows what favour you want? Goodness, how can he
know that?
[[Next|23]]You've done it! Bullseye number three and you are the
winner. Robbing Good, poor loser he, throws his bow to
the ground and jumps up and down on it. Oh well, let him
have his tantrum. You smile and watch and when he is
done you tell him to pay up. He must do you the favour,
the promised favour.
'Yeah, yeah, I know, the favour. I even know what it
is.'
He knows what favour you want? Goodness, how can he
know that?
[[Next|23]]'Stop!' the guard commands in a growly voice. 'Who goes
there?'
'Me,' you respond with very little imagination.
'Advance Me and give the password.'
You move forward slowly and attempt a ruse.
'The password is antidisestablishmentarianism.'
It's a good ruse - but not good enough. Swinging his
club the guard jumps forward shouting, 'You're a spy -
that's yesterday's password!'
[[Step aside to dodge the blow|232]]
[[Parry with your sword|76]]Well done. He rushes past you and you give him a swipe
on the back of the head as he goes by. He falls - but
springs to his feet again and advances. This time it is you
who attack, screaming horribly, aiming a great blow that
he cannot dodge. Your sword descends!
[[Next|81]]Well done! You have cut his club in half with your sharp
blade. He retreats, cursing, and draws a dagger. Then
attacks again. You step back out of reach and aim a blow
either at his legs or his head...
[[Legs|310]]
[[Head|237]]The empty desert has now given way to ancient, brooding
ruins, a city that had been dead for millennia, deserted and
decaying while the ancestors of mankind were still swinging
from trees and scratching fleas . You think about this, but
not too deeply, because you're still on the profs trail
through the jumbled stones. But - look!
The footsteps end in a hole in the ground! The sand has
caved in and the professor has gone! What can have
happened to him? You go close and read the sign carved
into an immense block of stone beside the hole.
WARNING! SAND IS DANGEROUS HERE AND THERE HAVE
BEEN CAVE-INS AND PEOPLE LOST IN THE CAVERNS
BELOW. YOU COULD BE NEXT.
What's that crunching sound? Watch out - you are next!
You scrabble away but are too late. The ground falls away!
[[Next|253]]You drop and land on a heap of sand which has sifted
down through the ruined ceiling. But you are trapped
down here - the hole above is too high up for you to reach.
And the prof has gone before you - his footsteps lead
across the piled sand to the bare floor beyond. There are
strange alien devices carved into the walls, still sharp and
clear and glowing with a lambent light even after all the
millennia that have passed. You have no choice, you must
go on. There are two doors leading from the chamber, one
to the east and one to the south. You examine the hard
material of the floor carefully - but there is no sign which
way your quarry went. You must decide.
Another thing, and this isn't important really, just a
suggestion that will save your life. Now listen, why don't
you grub out that bit of pencil you always carry. And a
scrap of paper. Good. Now, as you go, make a little floor
plan. In case you have gone wrong you can always retrace
your steps. Then, eventually, you can find the exit - if
there is an exit of course.
[[East|269]]
[[South|227]]Oh what pain! He is almost in your grasp but you must let
him escape. If you were shot dead you would not be able to
go after him again; very wise thinking. You wait until he
has gone through the turret door and hurry after him.
[[Next|148]]What is that? Oh, horrors - he has a balloon in the
courtyard and he is in the basket and cutting the rope that
holds it down. Now, when he is distracted - run! The
balloon is rising, you jump, grab, yes - you have it.
You cling fiercely to the rope as the balloon sails high
into the sky. All the prof has to do is look over and he will
see you. But he does not. He is humming an obscene song
and crunching something. Chicken bones drop by you.
The fiend is having lunch while your hands grow stiff and
cold. You breathe softly lest he hear you. Where will this
end? You know - I'm interested too. At once, while you
still have the strength in your fingers. . .
[[Next|143]]Money. Gold coins. Hurray! Shake them out and fondle
their still warm bulk in your hand. Great. Now what are
you going to do with them?
Buy information of course, very wise. Put a sign up on
the town bulletin board offering a reward of three gold
coins for any information leading to the apprehension of
one mad scientist, name of Prof. Geisteskrank. Any person
or persons who have information of his whereabouts to
meet you at dawn by the gallows just outside of town. A
gruesome venue, but one that should be easy to find. That
will do it all right - you should get a lead or two that way.
You should also get every nutcase and thug on the planet
there to bash you on the head. Oh, you've thought of that
as well? How about letting an old Stainless Steel Rat in on
the secret?
Very wise. You will bury the gold and not say where it is
hidden until you have found the prof. It's a good plan - if
you can get your informant to go along with it. Where are
you going to bury the coins? You won't tell me? Well, you
are probably right. I'll find out in any case, since I am
watching this adventure through your eyes. I'll control my
impatience.
[[Next|140]]The gallows. Pretty spooky with the wind whistling through
the nearby tombstones, an owl calling out Whoo-Whoo. I
don't know who. The first light of dawn on the distant
horizon as you scratch busily with a broken stick right
behind the gallows. Very neat. The hole dug, the coins
dumped, the dirt put back, the ground stamped down so
that it looks as though it had never been disturbed, a few
leaves and a dead beetle spread neatly over. Well done.
Now all you must do is wait for dawn and see who comes.
You are tired. You sit down with your back to the
gallows. My but you have guts! To sleep in a spooky place
like this. What? Not guts you say, just fatigue. You nod
off ...
[[NEXT|179]]You have wisely decided to shoot the filthy thing - and I
don't blame you! With careful motions you slot an arrow to
the string . . . draw back the bow -
It attacks! You let fly! Your arrow zings out!
[[Next|88]]What a shot! Right through the pippick. It falls at your
feet and expires. And about time too. These close shaves
are coming a little too often for comfort. It's time that you
were moving on. There is a sort of path here that seems to
go in the right direction according to your sodden map and
you take it. One step after another, onward ever onward
Why are you stopping? I hear them now - footsteps
coming down the trail in your direction.
Time for a quick decision. If you hide and peek out
sneak, but if you are tired of hiding and want to
face up to this right now...
[[Hide and peak out|249]]
[[Stand firm|131]]This is hard work. The big orange fruit are each about the
size of a grapefruit, only the wrong colour of course. They
are high in the trees and you have to climb up to get them.
Each one is attached by a tough stem that will not break. You
try cutting one off with your sword - and it works fine.
Except the fruit plunges to the ground and explodes
with a juicy splosh. Be more careful next time. Hold the
stem, then cut it - that's it. Then climb carefully down and
place the fruit on the ground. And climb the tree for more.
Time passes slowly until you have all that you can carry
on the ground. With a bit of vine you tie all their stems
together, get the orange bundle over your shoulder - and
stagger fruitily.
[[Next|113]]The path climbs up through the jungle and you are
staggering under the weight of the fruit. But you go on!
Never stopping, even when the trail becomes steps carved
into the trunk of a giant tree. Higher and higher you climb
until the steps emerge on to the top of a large bough. This
is some tree - the branch is as wide as a highway. And at
the far end of the branch is a nest. And on the nest is, well,
I guess it's a bird. If birds can be as big as airliners. You
step back - but too late! - you have been seen!
The creature hurls itself into the air, the flap of its wings
is like thunder. It blots out the sun - then the branch
creaks and bends as it lands.
You find yourself looking up with horror into an avian
eyeball the size of a pool table. The great yellow beak
opens and in a voice of thunder the Roc speaks.
'Well, hello - and what do we have here? A toothsome
little morsel who looks like a walking fruitstand. Dare I
ask, little munchy, just what you are doing with all that
yummy fruit?'
That's it, don't by shy, hold up the fruit and state your
price. The eyeball conies close and the beak clacks angrily.
The Roc speaks again:
'Bribery - is that what it is?! You attempt to buy the
services of the Roc of Ages with this tiny offering? Well,
why not. Hurl them into the air and I'll grab them. Then
we go flyies. About time I did a tour of the jungle to
instil fear into the denizens and install a few of them into
my stomach. I hear tell there is a nest of giant snakes
nearby. Sounds like a neat idea for a good spaghetti
lunch.'
The big bird snaps up the fruit in an instant, then grabs
you with its beak and flips you up on to its neck. Once you
are in place, it plunges off the tree and you both flap off.
[[Next|199]]'How do I know what favour you want?' he asks. 'I know
because everyone in the jungle knows that Sadie the
Sadistic sent you to the Juicy Jungle to get her the Jewel
of the Jungle. I also know that you are as good as dead,
or deader, if you don't get some advice on how to grab
the jewel. The only one who knows how that can be
done lies at the end of yonder trail and yonder trail
begins at 260. I can tell you no more or I risk death.
Begone varlet, for I wish to see no more of you.'
So you leave, careful not to turn your back on this dirty
ruffian, down the trail.
[[Next|260]]This is some trail and after following it for a while you
begin to doubt if that green-clad ruffian was telling you the
truth. The trail goes on and on without end. It is easy
enough to follow because is has been marked with spatters
of some red substance on the trees and rocks along the
way. Can that red substance be blood? Best not to ask.
Not only is the trail marked with red - but there are
cheerful signs all along the way like: STILL WALKING? I
THOUGHT YOU WOULD BE DEAD BY NOW. And even more
heartening ones like: DANGER - MANEATING SPIDERS! and: I
HOPE YOU SIGNED YOUR WILL! Pretty strong stuff- but you
are a pretty strong recruit. You may stagger, but you carry
on. Never tiring - well, yes, tiring once in a while. Sure,
sit down, and take a little break. No harm in that . . .
Wow! I never saw anyone leap into the air that high so
quickly. Yes, I would probably leap too if sharp teeth had
emerged from the mud right under my fundament and
bitten out a bit of flesh. Sorry. When I said there was no
harm sitting down I had no idea that you would be sitting
down right on top of a hideous mud-snapper. Time to go
on in any case.
Gloomy swamp. The cries of deadly creatures on all
sides. Poisonous moss draping the boughs. And from ahead
on the path hideous cries of pain - abruptly terminated by
crunching as of great jaws eating flesh and bone . . .
No, you can't run away like that. Whatever is ahead
must be faced - or you will spend the rest of what will
undoubtedly be a very short life on this planet. Don't grate
your teeth like that, it makes an awful sound.
Mind made up? Good. Advance slowly towards the
sound, part the leaves and look . . .
You're right - that is a repellent sight. A giant porcu-
swine, twice as big as the first one that you encountered, is
munching on the remains of a brontosaurus. What an
appetite! The last thing you want to do is face up to this
creature. You begin to withdraw - but it is too late! The
vile porcuswine sniffs the air and bellows. It has detected
your smell! It hurls aside the goggy remains of the bronto-
saurus and charges in your direction. What do you do?
Don't ask me - this is your adventure. AH right then, I can
give you some help. I can help you list the possibilities:
You still have your invisibility belt. If you want to use that
press the buckle and go invisible, or if you want to run away from the beast run at once or, yes, I hadn't thought of that. You had such good luck
in the arena, showing your mastery of the lower orders of
beast, that you might want to try it again. If you do, why,
then stand your ground and look the hideous porcuswine
sternly in its bloodshot eye until it is humbled.
Or, laughable idea, you just might want to sing a little duet
with it. Which is OK as long as your friends never find out
that you sing romantic songs with 6 tonne porcuswine. If
this is your not-too-bright choice, then hum along.
[[Use invisibility belt|312]]
[[Run away|287]]
[[Stand your ground|141]]
[[Serenade him|187]]How was I to know that it was a dumb idea? It was your
decision after all. You have pressed the button on your
invisibility belt and have used up a second charge. Only
one left! And it was a complete waste. It is common
knowledge that porcuswine can't see very well with their
little red eyes. But they do smell pretty good with their
little red noses. (And I agree, they do smell pretty bad to
your little red nose.)
The great beast came tearing along, instantly smelled
your presence and with a twist of its great head hurled you
into the air and right back.
[[Next|260]]Running wasn't such a great idea since this porcuswine not
only snorts and chuffs like a runaway locomotive - it runs
just as fast as one. Hot on your heels it comes, nose
lowered, eyes gleaming, quills rattling with frenzy. Right
behind you - right on to you!
Ouch! That must have hurt.
[[Next|260]]It worked fine in the arena so it should work here. Your
proud gaze has quelled the noble lion and brought the wild
wolf to heel. What worked on them will undoubtedly work
on this simple porcuswine. It roars close but you are not
afraid! You level your finger at the beast and order it to
stop.
Ouch! That must have hurt. With a twist of its cruel
head it has hurled you right back.
[[Next|260]]Have you ever thought of going on the stage? No, I'm
serious. With a lovely voice like yours, there is a great
career in showbiz waiting for you.
In the future of course. Right now porcuswineology
heads the bill. The great beast skidded to a halt - splashing
you with mud - and stared at you in amazement while you
went through all sixteen verses of Colonel Bogey. I think it
blushed at some of the lyrics - who would have thought
that you could shame a porcuswine!
In any case, when you had finished with that the two of
you sang the duet from Cosi fan Piggi, as well as a
heartwarming rendition of Does your Mother come from
Pigland and a rousing chorus of I'm a Porcuswine and I'm
OK. Quieter now it sits and fixes you with one porky eye
and speaks.
'You know, for a squishy human being, you got a
pretty good voice. Of course you will never obtain the
depth of emotion or feeling of a porcuswine - but we
can't all be perfect. But I gotta move on, I heard the
crashing of a tyrannosaurus rex in the jungle and I'm
dying to eat one of those mothers. Now you wouldn't be
rattling around this dangerous forest without a reason.
And I bet that I can guess what it is. You're after the
Jewel of the Jungle, aren't you? Well, there is only one
way to get there since the bridge fell down. You gotta
fly. Just follow this path until you come to the Roc.
Biggest bird in the world - and the oldest. It's called the
Roc of Ages. It will carry you there - but only if you feed
it. There is fruit growing along the path. Pick an armload
and take it along as a bribe.
'So long, kid, see you in the chorus!'
With these words the monster crashes off through the
jungle leaving you on your own once again. You have had
good luck with porcuswine, big, evil and foul-smelling as
they are, so you take this porky pincushion's word about
the Roc and walk off.
[[Next|104]]A nice wide path, well marked with sanguine insignia, you
whistle as you go - my, but your morale is high, you could
become a field agent after all! And there ahead of you is an
orchard overgrown with yummy-looking fruit. An interest-
ing orchard since it is filled with two kinds of fruit. They
both seem identical except for their colour. One is green -
the other orange. Which one will the Roc like? Beats me.
You will have to make your own mind up about this.
Yes, the orange ones do look rather tasty. If this is your
choice start picking or if you know something about a Roc's taste in fruit
and favour the green, or if you want to hedge your bets and get some of both
go to the middle of the orchard.
[[Orange fruit|15]]
[[Green fruit|314]]
[[A little of both|155]]This is hard work. The big green fruit are each about the
size of a grapefruit, only the wrong colour of course. They
are high in the trees and you have to climb up to get them.
Each one is attached by a tough stem that will not break.
You try cutting one off with your sword - and it works
fine.
Except the fruit plunges to the ground and explodes
with a juicy splosh. Be more careful next time. Hold the
stem, then cut it - that's it. Then climb carefully down and
place the fruit on the ground. And climb the tree for more.
Time passes slowly until you have all that you can carry
on the ground. With a bit of vine you tie all their stems
together, get the green bundle over your shoulder - and
stagger fruitily. . .
[[Next|113]]This is hard work. The big orange and green fruit are each
about the size of a grapefruit, only the wrong colour, of
course. They are high in the trees and you have to climb
up to get them. Each one is attached by a tough stem that
will not break. You try cutting one off with your sword -
and it works fine.
Except the fruit plunges to the ground and explodes
with a juicy splosh. Be more careful next time. Hold the
stem, then cut it - that's it. Then climb down carefully and
place the fruit on the ground. And climb the tree for more.
Time passes slowly until you have all that you can carry
on the ground. With a bit of vine you tie all their stems
together, hoist the orange and green bundle over your
shoulder - and stumble fruitily.
[[Next|113]]What a wild ride! The great wings flap and you are up and
out and over the jungle, hurtling through the air. Giant
thunderclouds pile up ahead and the Roc of Ages croaks
powerfully:
'Thunderstorms! I laugh at thunderstorms - here we
go!'
With a cry of rage the batty buzzard dives straight into
the storm. In an instant you are tossed by high winds,
gasping for air as the rain pelts you. All you can do is grab
tight to the bird's feathers and hope that this is not the
time of year that Rocs moult. Lightning blasts close by,
blinding you, deafening you with the roll of thunder. There
is a cry of avian pain as the lightning sets some of the Roc's
feathers on fire. Wow, they stink! But the rain puts the fire
out. Even the Roc has had enough of this and it dives out
of the storm and floats on giant wings over the jungle:
'Where did you say that you were going, oh puny one?
I can't seem to remember . . . I'm getting sleepy for
some unknown reason. Wait - I remember now. You
want the ruined castle so you can steal the Jewel of the
Jungle just one more time. You humans break me up
with your wanton love of baubles. Give me an ox or a
kangarabbit any time.'
The tremendous bird dives, then straightens out and
points to the jungle below with one wingtip.
'Look down, miserable mite - and beware. The ruins
are below. See where two towers emerge from the jungle.
Descend the correct tower and you will find the Jewel of
the Jungle. Descend the wrong one and you will only
encounter a horrible death. The correct tower is . . .'
Why does it break off speaking at this vital point? How
should I know? - but it does. Then it roars with rage:
'Sleepy . . . Listen, you midget moron - did you pick
that fruit from the Grove of Academe? If you picked the
wrong colour fruit, it will act as a strong sleeping drug.
And I . . . have the feeling . . . that I noshed the wrong
one . . .'
In mid-word it has fallen asleep and begins to snore
loudly. But apparently it is used to sleeping on the wing
for it soars on. But it is not flapping - just gliding. I have a
suggestion. Try pushing its head to one side and see what
happens. Great - it turns in the direction that you pushed.
So you can do it. You can guide the Roc so that it lands on
the correct tower and you will get the Jewel and everything
will be OK.
How do I know which is the right tower? This whole
ballgame is new to me. Please don't waste time cursing like
that - we are getting lower all the time. If I were you I
would flip the APB coin and decide - you have just enough
time!
If it is heads swing the sleeping bird towards the left-
hand tower and when it comes close jump!
If tails point the Roc at the right-hand tower and get
ready to jump!
[[HEADS|117]]
[[TAILS|327]]That's it - pull on the thing's neck - harder! It's turn-
ing, heading for the tower - but too low! It's going to
crash . . .
Wow! This Roc of Ages must have subconscious sonar.
Even when it's asleep it doesn't crash. With a single flap it
lifted up and settled on the top of the tower in a perfect
belly-landing.
What's that sound? Either the thing is snoring or grum-
bling. Don't hang around to find out. Slip down on to the
top of the tower, draw your sword - not a bad idea since
you don't know if this is the correct tower that leads to the
Jewel - or the one that leads to certain death. About time
you found out - head for the trapdoor. It creaks when it
opens and a puff of dank gas comes out. No, it doesn't
look too nice down there . . .
'Stop, you poisoning pismire! You'll not escape a
horrible lingering death that easily!'
Yes, the Roc is awake and in quite a temper! Beak
clashing, claws tearing grooves in the solid rock of the
tower!
Say, you can really move fast when you want to! Through
the trapdoor, bolt it behind you and down the steps two at
a time. That kingsize sparrow is really annoyed. You can
still hear him roaring and scratching, the whole tower is
shaking. He'll have it down in a minute! Jump three steps
at a time - why not! Rocks breaking loose, cracks in the
wall - but there is the bottom and a door ahead.
Roaring and crashing? Now that you mention it, I do
hear something awful coming from behind the door. But I
also know that the tower is falling in. Better the devil you
don't know than the devil you do. Sword ready - jump!
[[Next|142]]That's it - pull on the thing's neck - harder! It's turn-
ing, heading for the tower - but too low! It's going to
crash ...
Wow! This Roc of Ages must have subconscious sonar.
Even when it's asleep it doesn't crash. With a single flap it
lifted up and settled on the top of the tower in a perfect
belly-landing.
What's that sound? Either the thing is snoring or grum-
bling. Don't hang around to find out. Slip down on to the
top of the tower, draw your sword - not a bad idea, since
you don't know if this is the correct tower that leads to the
Jewel - or the one that leads to certain death. About time
you found out - head for the trapdoor. It creaks when it
opens and a puff of dank gas comes out. No, it doesn't
look too nice down there . . .
'Stop, you poisoning pismire! You'll not escape a
horrible lingering death that easily!'
Yes, the Roc is awake and in quite a temper! Beak
clashing, claws tearing grooves in the solid rock of the
tower!
Say, you can really move fast when you want to! Through
the trapdoor, bolt it behind you and down the steps two at
a time. That kingsize sparrow is really annoyed. You can
still hear him roaring and scratching, the whole tower is
shaking. He'll have it down in a minute! Jump three steps
at a time - why not! Rocks breaking loose, cracks in the
wall - but there is the bottom and a door ahead.
Roaring and crashing? Now that you mention it I do
hear something awful coming from the door. But I also
know that the tower is falling in. Better the devil you don't
know than the devil you do. Sword ready -
[[Jump!|231]]You dive through the door and slam it shut behind you -
and just in time for there is a crunching roar as the tower
falls in. The door shakes and bounces as the stones from
above crash against it. You hear a terrible sound behind
you - you turn and see ...
Yipes! It is a giant tiglon sharpening its claws on the
rock wall. It hears you and wheels about and roars again -
look at those teeth!
You raise your sword as it attacks". What a puny defence
against a creature this size. One of its teeth is longer than
the sword. I have an idea . . .
Oh, you don't want to hear my idea. All right then,
stand and fight, I don't care.
Though, if you would like a bit of sage advice...
[[Fight!|177]]
[[Hear the advice|171]]Strong, isn't it! With one swipe of a paw it tore the sword
from your grasp and knocked you across the room. It has
bounced away - but it will charge again. You are doomed,
unless you would like to hear my advice now. You would?
Good.
[[Next|171]]You can't fight that thing - so use brains instead of brawn.
Rush over to the door by which you entered, that's it.
Stand there . . . wait for i t . . . grab the handle. The tiglon
charges . . . NOW!
[[Next|213]]So who said that you can win them all? You missed, and he
is creeping up on you. All you need is one more bullseye
and you are home free. Aim and shoot, that's the way.
[[HEADS|5]]
[[TAILS|133]]Don't hang your head in shame. So you missed, so what?
So you missed two in a row. So what? So he is neck and
neck with you and you have to hit this next one or you
lose. So don't think about it. Draw and fire. . .
[[HEADS|9]]
[[TAILS|286]]You got another bullseye, while the scowling ruffian broke
his arrow against a rock. He's not as good as he says he is.
You have two now, hurrah! Quick, shoot another arrow.
[[HEADS|288]]
[[TAILS|166]]So who said that you can win them all. You missed, and he
is creeping up on you. All you need is one more bullseye
and you are home free. Aim and shoot, that's the way.
[[HEADS|5]]
[[TAILS|133]]So you missed. You can't win them all. Grit your teeth,
take careful aim and let fly
[[HEADS|84]]
[[TAILS|289]]
You got another bullseye, while the scowling ruffian broke
his arrow against a rock. He's not as good as he says he is.
You have two now, hurrah! Quick - shoot another arrow!
[[HEADS|288]]
[[TAILS|166]]Bullseye! Wow! What an eye. Keep up the good work.
Draw and shoot.
[[HEADS|27]]
[[TAILS|163]]So you missed. You can't win them all. Grit your teeth,
take careful aim and let fly...
[[HEADS|84]]
[[TAILS|289]]Well, you can't win them all. You have missed the tree
completely while his arrow thunks into the very heart of
the bullseye. Ignore his leer of victory. Nock up again,
raise and fire.
[[HEADS|254]]
[[TAILS|284]]Don't be too depressed. So you missed two in a row.
Instead of sobbing and feeling sorry for yourself be stern!
That's better. Shoot another arrow!
[[HEADS|184]]
[[TAILS|257]]Robbing Good sights along his arrow - aimed directly at
your eye. What he sees is your arrow aimed directly at his
eye. For some reason, he finds this slightly disconcerting.
As do you as well, but you don't let on. The moment of
tension stretches on and on until - with a sigh - he lowers
his arrow. You do the same.
'You know - one of us could get killed this way.
Usually I attack from ambush or pick on old ladies and
that kind of thing.' He rubs his hand across his face and
you can hear the harsh grating of the stubble on his chin. 'I
got an idea. I don't want anyone to hear I was a weakling
and let you get away with something, like you know.
Now I'm a pretty good shot - the best in the jungle! - so
what you say we have a shooting contest. If I lose I got
to do you a favour, little chance of that ha-ha. If by a
long shot and an accident you maybe win, why then I do
you a favour. What do you say?'
What can you say? It looks like you have very little
choice in the matter. You reluctantly mutter yes while the
jungle ruffian marks a bullseye on each of two adjacent
trees. He points and explains:
'We shoot at the same time - got that! The first one to
get three bullseyes wins the match. So here we go!'
The match of the century starts. You raise your bow -
he raises his - and you let fly at the same moment.
To discover the outcome of this battle of the ages you
need your trusty APB again. Take it from pocket, flip it.
[[HEADS|257]]
[[TAILS|40]]What a shot! You got a bullseye and the battling bully
missed completely. You are doing pretty good. Watch him
sweat as you raise your bows again and let fly.
Let fly your coin as well.
[[Heads|84]]
[[Tails|27]]This is it! The leaves are brushed aside and you are face-to-
face with a tall stranger. He is dressed in green, a little
shabby and gravy-stained but, yes, it once was green. He
glowers at you and shakes his longbow in your direction
and speaks.
'Who is this intruder that dares intrude in the forest of
Robbing Good. That's me. I steal from the rich, and the
poor - and keep all the loot for myself. And now I shall
take all your loot, stranger, for you do not dare stand
against me!'
But you, you strong-hearted fool!, you do dare to stand
against him. As he whips out his bow you whip out yours.
As he nocks an arrow you nock yours. He draws, you
draw. He aims - you aim . . .
If you really want to know how this Texas standoff ends...
[[Next|172]]Back out of sight you slink, under the heavy leaves and
vines, out of sight of the trail. The footsteps come closer -
then stop. There is a hmm-hmming sound. Then a harsh
voice speaks:
'I am a master of the jungle lore and it is easy for me
to see that someone else has passed here within the last
thirty-seven seconds, has paused, has spit into the forest,
then slunk into hiding. Step forward, varlet, for I know
that you lurk there!'
Not much choice is there? Stop lurking and step forward...
[[Next|131]]With your last strength you haul yourself from the water
and sprawl almost senseless on the sandbank. These close
calls are getting to be a little too much for you. Your head
swims and fatigue clutches you - but you are young, strong
and healthy and the effects of the cheap wine have worn
off. Strength returned you climb to your feet and turn
and ...
You find yourself staring at an incredibly evil-looking
creature with eyes the size of soup plates, teeth like daggers,
tentacles like ropes - and terminal halitosis. You don't
know what it is? Unhappily I do. Yes, I'll tell you, just
don't screech like that. It is the rare and deadly Green
Pippick Monster - see the green pippick on its extended
and gross belly? Very poisonous. You must try to kill it
with a well-placed arrow - or flee before it attacks.
That's it, slip your hand into your pocket and take out
your APB. Also called a coin. My goodness, it's getting
rusty, what are they making coins out of these days! That's
it, flip it silently and look at it.
[[HEADS|13]]
[[TAILS|230]]You run! And I don't blame you. Crashing through the
undergrowth, around the trees, up the hills and down the
dales until you stream with sweat. You stagger into the
shade of a large tree, panting for breath, turn and look -
And there is the hideous creature just behind you!
No chance to think. Nock arrow, draw bow - and shoot
as it charges and its foul breath washes over you.
[[Next|88]]SPLASH!
Down and down you go, round and round you go.
Tossed by the water, deeper and ever deeper. Then you
begin the long swim upward, holding your breath, your
lungs bursting, daring not to breathe or you will fill your
aching lungs with water and will certainly drown.
But you must breathe!
But you must wait! You cannot - you gasp in . . .
AIR! For you have reached the surface. You are happy
to drift along getting your strength back, drifting with the
current. At last you feel better and you kick towards shore.
But where should you land? There is a sandbar there where
you can climb out of the water and rest before tackling the
hidden dangers of juicy jungle.
Or you can swim to those vines and pull yourself up into
the protection of the trees. But nasties could be hiding
there. However if you come ashore on the sandbar whatever
is lurking in the undergrowth could see you and sneak up
and attack.
What to do? Sorry, I'm of no help at all. I've never seen
this stretch of country before.
[[Swim to the sandbar|135]]
[[Swim to the Vines|263]]With your last strength you haul yourself up from the
water by climbing the vines and sprawl on the grass above.
Your head swims and fatigue clutches you - but you are
young, strong and healthy and the effects of the cheap
wine have worn off. Strength returned, you climb to your
feet and turn and . . .
Find yourself staring at an incredibly evil-looking crea-
ture with eyes the size of soup plates, teeth like daggers,
tentacles like ropes - and terminal halitosis. You don't
know what it is? Unhappily I do. Yes, I'll tell you, just
don't screech like that. It is the rare and deadly Green
Pippick Monster - see the green pippick on its extended
and gross belly? Very poisonous. You must try to kill it
with a well-placed arrow - or flee before it attacks.
That's it, slip your hand into your pocket and take out
your APB. Also called a coin. My goodness, it's getting
rusty, what are they making coins out of these days! That's
it, flip it silently and look at it.
[[HEADS|272]]
[[TAILS|280]]It's a little difficult hanging by one hand and wriggling out
of your chainmail. Not only difficult - you quickly discover
that it cannot be done. You discard your helmet easily
enough. But what next? Hey - that's very good! You hang
your bow and arrows from the ladder. Then turn upside
down, hook your toes over a rung - and zip! the chainmail
is gone. You get big marks for that one.
Yes, it is almost time. Nothing much more can be
accomplished hanging around this ladder. So, after tying
your bow and arrows firmly in place, you take breath after
deep breath filling your lungs and your blood with fresh,
nourishing oxygen. Let go with one hand . . .
Correct. You'll have to let go with the other hand too if
you are going to fall into that cold-looking, nasty, fast-
flowing river. I am encouraging, aren't I!
Muttering one last profanity you let go . . .
And fall...
[[Next|265]]Now look here, recruit. If you fall into that water with all
this armour on you will go to the bottom and stay there.
Not only will you die from drowning but you will never
become an agent in the Special Corps. Rarely in life do we
have the opportunity to have a second chance. You now
have a second chance.
[[Next|271]]The first thing that you discover after crossing the bridge is
that you have been lied to once again. There is no fork in
the trail - in fact the trail becomes a ladder in the cliff that
you must climb down. For a moment you consider going
back and committing murder - but realize that that is far
from being a constructive idea. So instead you start down
the ladder, downward and downward until you enter the
clouds. You hear a roaring below and, when you emerge
from the clouds, you see a river below you. Very
interesting.
Even more interesting is the fact that the ladder suddenly
ends a good fifty metres above the water . . .
My, my, what an interesting vocabulary you have
developed on this planet! What to do? I suggest you hook
an arm over a rung and rest your tired limbs and look over
the possibilities.
Yes, they are limited - aren't they? You could climb
back to the top again - but you are so tired there is a good
chance you might not make it.
Then you could let go and drop into the river and swim
to safety. But if you wear your nice metal armour, you will
sink to the bottom like a stone. If you take it off you will
no longer have its protection.
That's it, I guess. Over to you for the big decision.
If you choose to climb, or If you dive into the river with all of your armour on, or if you take off your armour, keeping only your sword and bow and arrow.
[[Climb|301]]
[[Dive with armor on|336]]
[[Dive with only weapons|271]]You climb . . . and you climb . . . and you climb - and
eventually and reluctantly decide that this was not the
galaxy's best idea. You are never going to make it to the,
top. After a rest you descend again with trembling limbs. . .
[[Next|128]]'Thank you oh mighty and lenient stranger! As a reward
for your justice I will tell you what you need to know.
When you cross the bridge you will come to a fork in the
trail. If you go left you will die within seconds, killed by
the poisonous snakes that abound there. Take the right
fork to safety. Now go - with a poor man's thanks.'
Nodding acceptance of what is your due you stride across
the bridge...
[[Next|128]]Come off it! Since when do prospective members of the
Corps amuse themselves by killing unarmed men? You
weep a silent tear at the mistake you almost made, pat the
guard on the shoulder and nobly go...
[[Next|215]]You are the winner! On bended knees he pleads for mercy.
'Oh mighty stranger - you have vanquished me. It would
take but a little stab of your mighty sword to polish me
off and send my lifeless body plummeting into the gorge
behind me. But mercy, I beg! I am a paid-up member of
the Guards Union and I retire next year on half pay. Let
me but live and I will tell you how to avoid the pitfalls on
the far side of this chasm. Will you do that?'
Being a real sweety-pie at heart you nod and beam,
or are you going to be strong and guard your back?
[[Nod back|215]]
[[Send him to the gorge|45]]
Nothing good. Your blow misses and you are caught with a
counter-blow. You fall. Roaring with rage your opponent
attacks - but you lash out with your legs.
[[Next|51]]All of this has bored the Star Beast and it has fallen sound
asleep and is snoring out clouds of smoke. You also note
that Prof. Geisteskrank was only feigning sleep on his part
and he had really been working to open his cage and has
done so and has escaped through the door marked EXIT.
[[Rush After Him|35]]
[[Proceed with Trepidation|197]]The trail goes on and on. It is getting along towards
evening and you are very tired. Should you rest here - or
carry on? Problems, problems. But, yes, I heard it too. The
sound of running water ahead. Curious, you investigate.
Carefully though, creeping through the underbrush and
peering out at the scene ahead.
The path drops down to the brink of a narrow chasm,
with the bubbling river far below. It will be easy enough to
cross, for a fine stone bridge spans the gap.
Great - except for the fact that a burly guard in heavy
armour and armed with an iron club stands at this end of
the bridge. To cross the bridge you must pass him. But
you are tired. Maybe it might be best to wait until morning
when you are fresher? After you have finished the last of
the wine.
Or should you grasp the nettle and go on? In the morning
there might be more guards here and you will never get
across.
If you decide to get it over with now gird up your loins
and march forth or if you want to rest first and go at
it fresh in the light of dawn....
[[Go forth|6]]
[[Rest|127]]Off the trail and among the bushes, a flowery bed where
you will not be seen. Darkness falls and you are content.
You polish off the wine, munch the last of the sandwiches,
nibble a bit on the cookies - and drift off into a restful and
dreamless sleep.
Animal noises during the night disturb you. You awake,
look around, see nothing and go back to sleep. It is dawn
when you awake again.
With a headache from the cheap wine and a taste in your
mouth like the bottom of a parrot's cage, you smack your
lips and spit out little pieces of things. The ants have
crawled into your cookies and you are in a foul mood,
which is not improved in the slightest when you crawl
forward to look at the bridge.
The guard is gone, he sure is. But in his place is a
hideous rusty robot, also armed with a great club. Maybe
you should have settled on the human defender. Too late
to cry over spilt milk. You gird up your loins, draw your
sword - then tramp determinedly down the hill
[[Next|252]]Wow - this is really a bummer! Straight uphill with scarcely
a foothold. You pull yourself from bunch to bunch of
grass, just able to grab them for a handhold. Sweat pours
from you in streams, filling your boots until they slop over.
You stop to rest - but must go on before you weaken.
Yet the end is in sight, the crest of the ridge above. With
your last energy, you drag yourself up and creep over the
top...
[[Next|245]]This looks like a nice trail, winding away through the
jungle, up hill and down. Jungle sounds on all sides - but
that sort of thing doesn't frighten you! No sirree. You
swing your sword swishily and whistle through your teeth.
Why are you stopping? Oh, I see, yes, it is fairly obvious
now that you point it out. A great earthquake has riven
this path with a mighty crack in the ground. Too wide to
jump over, too deep to climb.
Not much choice is there? You don't want to go back -
what a waste of time. Yes, I see it now. A faint trail that
meanders up the side of the hill. I guess you will have to
meander along with it...
[[Next|313]]Now wasn't that nice? After a friendly chorus of Going My
Way and a rousing stanza or two of Old MacDonald Had a
Farm and a melodious rendering of This Little Piggy Went
to Market you two have become stout chums. Look! Is that
a tear in one porcine eye? I do believe that it is! You have a
good mate here. Listen as it rattles its quills, then speaks:
'Welcome to the wallow, oh melodious stranger. I
haven't had a good sing-song like that since I was a
pincushiony-piglet. My dear mother, now departed this
vale of tears, taught me to sing. She always told us when
we wallowed in the wallow that she had not been born a
porcuswine but instead had once been human. Would
you believe that? She had been a mezzosoprano and had
sung with La Scala. Until at a famous debut she had
failed to hit C above High C and the conductor, who was
a bit of a demonologist in his spare time, turned her into
a porcuswine. She got hers back because she tromped
him to death and ate him right then and there, then
escaped through the orchestra pit. You believe that,
don't you?'
Good, good, nod your head like a fool. Never argue with
a nutty four-tonne porcuswine.
'You do believe it? How sweet. I don't. I think she was
just another spiky porker with delusions of grandeur. But
there you are. None of us are perfect. Been nice to sing
with you - do stop for a duet any time you are in the
jungle. The path goes thataway...
[[Next|73]]Stop sticking your little ringer into your ear like that and
shaking your head back and forth. I hear it too - there is
nothing wrong with your ears. Yes, correct, right - the
repulsively ugly creature is singing. Singing in a lovely
soprano voice - and singing a love song. And, by George, I
recognize the tune - I bet you do too. Hear, listen closely:
Mud, mud, glorious mud,
Nothing quite like it to muffle a thud.
So come with me quickly,
Into the mud thickly,
And there we will wallow
In glorious mud . . .
Very nice I suppose, particularly if you are another porcu-
swine. So what are you going to do? Step forward with
your sword raised and frighten the creature out of the way?
All right, if you think that is best march nobly to 224. But
it is really a rough-looking brute. I would suggest, only a
suggestion, mind you - you can stop laughing - that you
sing a duet with the thing. It really is a music lover and it
might appreciate a little harmonizing. Can't find too much
of that in the swamp, can it? Yes, I see you rolling on the
ground and holding your sides, very repellent it is too.
[[Fight|224]]
[[Sing along|266]]Wow - talk about fast! That fat old porcuswine charged
you, without missing a note, knocked your legs out from
under you and sent you aspirin over applecart into the
mud. Grope for your sword because here it comes again.
No more singing - but ohh, the horrible grunting! Like a
runaway steam locomotive. Your sword will never penetrate
those steely quills. Quick, dodge!
[[Dodge!|219]]Wow! Now that is what I call a real ugly! A hideous cross
between a debauched pig and a quill-shedding porcupine.
I've never seen anything that repulsive, even after a binge
of drinking Altarian Panther Sweat. It's wallowing in the
mud and making some kind of bubbling noise. Sneak
closer, behind that next tree and maybe you, can
make out what the sound is.
[[Next|207]]A boring half an hour has passed and no one has emerged
from the tavern. You are getting thirsty and are intrigued
by the sounds of joyous revelry from inside.
[[Next|139]]When you've seen one black tunnel you've seen them all.
Good thing that you don't have claustrophobia - don't
curse at me that way! I'm sorry I said it, I take it back. So
cool and restful here in the endless night . . .
You run when you see the light ahead. What can be
waiting for you?
[[Next|115]]Yes, I would sweat too in the circumstances. Not much
you can do with four uglies carrying you, is there? My,
such language. In the kitchen - look at the size of that
black pot on the fire! Looks like they are going to shell
you, I mean pluck you, I mean undress you, before they
throw you into the boiling water, You are hurled to the
ground and two thugs pull at your boots.
I was hoping you would think of that. Invisibility. You press the buckle.
[[Next|87]]Nothing to fear here. A nice stroll down this softly lit
tunnel. Yes, the carvings on the wall do seem a bit repulsive
with those monsters eating other monsters. Eyes front!
Best not to dwell on their sinister horror . . .
Aha - the tunnel widens - then ends. There's one set of
steps leading down, labelled STAR BEAST HERE. And more
steps leading up with a sign saying SAFE WAY OUT. You'd
better decide. Are they lying - or truthful?
[[You Think They're Lying...|124]]
[[You Think They're Telling the Truth...|49]]You get exactly what you deserve trusting a figure as
repellent as Hairy Harry the Killer Cannibal. As soon as
you are out of sight of the others he throws you to the
ground and sinks his fangs into your throat. You whisper
where the coins are buried - hoping that his greed will
overpower his appetite.
It does! He rushes away and you sink into the pit of
despair. As well you might. Trapped forever on this
loathsome planet. Maybe. You look up when you hear
that, don't you? Maybe. Now it can be told. I've kept this
secret for last. Listen to me and stop feeling sorry for
yourself for one moment. There is one thing I haven't told
you about yet. I was saving it for the right moment and
this looks like the moment. While you were under hypnosis
- you didn't know we had you hypnotized did you? The
Special Corps does not reveal all its secrets! Anyway, while
you were hypnotized, we planted a miniature time machine
in the joint of your right index finger. All you have to do is
crack your knuckle to energize it. That's it, don't feel
foolish, pull hard on your finger. It cracks.
[[Next|80]]Your plan has been accepted - nay, not only accepted but
cheered by your followers. All of them have lost dear
friends to the voracious appetite of Hairy Harry the Killer
Cannibal. They wish to end his vile gastronomic career. All
of them are also hardened criminals - or they wouldn't be
here, would they? They welcome the chance to turn the
tables on Hairy Harry - dining tables, of course - and loot
his castle as well. Giving you a chance to grab the evil
Professor and finish his case.
A simple plan and it should be a good one. Sluj the
Slaver roars with anger when he comes to - but he is
chained with the other slaves and is happily beaten into
submission by his former beatees. You are chained too, at
the front, while Arbuthnot leads the way in the guise of a
slavemaster. Up the hill to Crapper's Castle.
[[Next|34]]What a sight! Blue sky above, red-stained yellow sand
below. Are the red stains blood? I couldn't say, best not to
think about it. Listen to the roar of the crowd. I wonder
what they are so excited about? Oh, yes, I see now, a great
lion has just entered the arena through a little door. It roars
and yawns, looks about - and sees you. It seems to be
smiling. And, yes, it is coming this way. You raise the
feather, not really the best weapon.
It stands before you and roars again, its breath washes
over you in a fetid wave, it approaches . . .
[[Tickle it with the Feather to Make it Laugh|332]]
[[Jump Aside When It Leaps at You|302]]Yes, a gold coin does seem dear for a ride in this crummy
boat. But look at the alternative - no, don't look at the
shore! You have averted your eyes from the evil boatman
and he is attacking, trying to steal your money. Ouch, that
must have hurt - NO! - don't back away.
Splash. Yes indeed, you have fallen into the river.
[[Next|205]]Unhappily another fight has been lost. You are bound and
thrown on the floor in Crapper's Castle. Hark, someone is
coming. They drag you to your feet and down the hall.
[[Next|121]]If you answered 'an elephant that sticks to the roof of your
mouth' you have scored 25 points more. You jump as there
is a roar of flame and this booms out: 'An easy one. Now
here is one that will have you on the ropes. What is the
Lamb Shift?' You laugh at the simplicity of the answer.
[[Next|292]]He is suspicious all right - but Arbuthnot offers him a big
bribe. They slip into the guardhouse for the bribery and
you are the only one who hears the loud thud. Arbuthnot's
idea of a bribe saves a lot of money. This happy business
over with.
[[Next|118]]Your happy band of slaves wends its way to the castle gate.
They wipe the smirks from their faces and try to look
enslaved as they approach the guards at the gate. Sluj starts
to shout a warning but is dropped by Arbuthnot's ready
club. The sadistic guards roar with laughter at this and you
try a sick smile yourself. The slaver enslaved, they really
like that.
All except the sergeant of the guard. He is so tough that
he has sewed his stripes to his bare skin and that is pretty
tough indeed. Something doesn't smell right to him -
though all you can smell is odour du unwashed-slave. He
strides forward. You craftily take out your APB, or coin as
you insist on calling it, and give it a quick toss.
[[He Voices his Suspicions as it Comes up Heads|32]]
[[He Opens the Gate as it Comes up Tails|118]]You must enjoy being knocked on the head - because
the prof was hiding outside the door, banged you into
unconsciousness - and has escaped. Pull yourself to your
feet and stagger groggily after him.
[[Next|197]]You must be joking!
[[Next|120]]Your respite is shortlived, as it says in the good book.
Hairy Harry cannot bear the sight of your plump limbs
being dragged away. 'No!' he bellows. 'Appetite before
science! To the kitchen with him!'.
[[Next|18]]'Kind sir,' the lad says, 'It is nice to see you are interested
in my fate - but nothing can be done. I was a prisoner of
Sluj the Slaver - and he is such a terrible man. He beat
me when I did not walk fast enough to keep up with the
other slaves, then he broke my leg and left me here to
die. But perhaps it is better to die here than in Crapper's
Castle because that is where he was bringing us.'
You are touched by the suffering boy's story so you
whip out your minimedic and press it to his broken leg.
Wow! These robot devices work fast. Needles inject him
instantly with antibiotics and painkillers, two flexible arms
grip his leg and twist - the fracture is quickly reduced -
while a nozzle ejects some instantly hardening casting
material. The leg is mended. The lad stares in amazement,
then tears of joy flood from his eyes as he kisses your hand
over and over until it is coated with saliva.
'You are my saviour, smack-smack. If only you could
save the others from slavery your name would ring down
through the ages.'
Your head is turned by this flattery - and you want to go
wash your hand as well - so you start back up the path.
[[Next|216]]The hall winds away through the repellent palace, bones
everywhere. Hungry Harry sure was hungry. Was that the
slam of a door ahead? Run on. Yes, there it is - and
scarcely breaking pace you bash the door down and leap
through - club ready. There he is, your quarry, the mad
professor. After him! He darts through another door and
you follow. He is escaping across the castle roof - after
having jumped an airshaft. If that old nutter can do it - so
can you. You gather your strength and leap.
[[Next|255]]Sadie thinks about your request and nods. 'You are right,
stranger. Those mugs will eat you alive for breakfast.'
She snaps out orders and a chest is quickly carried up. She
throws it open and points inside.
'I have a few extra weapons - but not many. Help
yourself to one of these - then split because being so
generous goes against my nature.'
[[Take the Bow & Arrows|315]]
[[Take the Morning-Star|54]]
[[Take the Bag of Smokebombs|50]]Well, we all make mistakes. The mud turns out to be
quicksand so you can't get out this way. You have no
choice but to brave the splashing stingrays and swim.
[[Next|63]]That's it, call to Sluj, insult him - not hard to do with
anyone who looks like that! He roars with rage and runs at
you waving the bloodstained club. Your nerve is cool as
you slip the little devices into your nostrils. He roars closer,
you can feel his hot breath upon you - smell it too, ugh!
Now - at the very last moment - you snap a gas grenade
under his nose and step away from his falling body.
Hear the slaves cheer with joy at the brute's downfall:
they cheer you as their saviour. You have the decency to
blush. Arbuthnot speaks.
'Saved again - how can I ever thank you? I will do
anything for you! All here are your willing servants. But
ask us and we do obey!'
That sounds like an offer that you cannot refuse.
[[Next|22]]You start down the steps, careful not to slip in the noxious
slime. But soon the slime ends - and so do the steps. There
is only a dark tunnel ahead. Well, you know what to do.
Crawl. Long before terminal exhaustion sets in you see a
light ahead, you crawl faster and emerge into a solid steel
chamber with riveted walls. And no exit that you can find.
It might be wisest to go back into the tunnel - but, no! -
with a hideous crunching sound the tunnel collapses. You
just got out in time. But now what? Is there something in
that dark corner of the chamber? You go forward to see.
Yes - there is a bright red handle protruding from the wall
with a tasteful skull capping its end. Doesn't look too
promising. There is something carved into the metal above
the handle. Instructions in thirty-four languages, half of
them long vanished. It can be translated to mean - sorry, I
didn't know you could read any of them. I agree. The
simplest translation would be PULL ME. Do you have a
choice?
After brooding a bit you reach out quivering fingers and
pull -
The floor opens. You are falling, falling down...
[[Next|198]]Why should they lie at this stage? Down the stairs you go,
happily jumping two at a time and there, ahead, seems
safe, another room ahead . . . Peek in.
Well, looks harmless enough. A nice little well-lit cham-
ber, a comfortable chair on wheels, the wheels on tracks
leading through a tunnel to glorious sunshine. And another
sign that reads, in translation of course:
UNHAPPILY THE STAR BEAST IS DEAD - BUT THANKS FOR
COMING. PLEASE SIT IN THIS COMFY CAR, PRESS THE
BUTTON AND YOU WILL LEAVE. HAVE A SAFE JOURNEY.
I agree - you can't trust a Kakalok. Or can you?
[[Sit in the Chair and Press the Button|304]]
[[Creep by and Walk Down the Tracks|337]]Whistling happily and swinging your bag of smokebombs
as you go, you go. Down the broken-bone road, kicking a
skull along in front of you just for fun. This world has
done you no good, no good at all! You are becoming as
hardened as the most hardened criminal around.
Sadie was right - after less than a day's walk, you see the
decayed roofs of a town over the next hill and beside the
road a sign which reads:
ENDSVILLE - POPULATION 467 AND DECREASING RAPIDLY
As you read the sign you hear a scream of pain ending
with a mortal gurgle and the sign clicks and the number
now reads 466. This is a really tough place. But you must
go on!
You start towards town - then stop as you hear heavy
breathing and cursing coming towards you around the
bend. Where there is heavy breathing and cursing there is
usually someone doing the HB and C you reason. You will
face up to the danger - no turning back now!
You take out one of the smokebombs and loop your
finger through the pin, ready to throw it, your sword
clutched in your other hand as you wait expectantly.
[[Next|164]]You sing - and oh, how you sing, putting your heart and
soul into it for your life may be at stake. And when you are
done and you stop for breath the mighty procuswine shakes
its quills at you, rakes the ground with a giant trotter - and
bursts out laughing.
'Ho-ho, weak human - you have been the butt of a
swinish prank! I was going to help you in any case, but I
just wanted to have one last song with you afore ye gang
away. Your adventure on this disgusting planet is almost
at an end. You will find out how now...'
[[Next|307]]Whistling happily and spinning your morning star around
your head as you go, you go. Down the broken-bone road,
kicking a skull along in front of you just for fun. This
world has done you no good, no good at all! You are
becoming as hardened as the most hardened criminal
around.
Sadie was right - after less than a day's walk you see the
decayed roofs of a town over the next hill and beside the
road a sign that reads:
ENDSVILLE - POPULATION 467 AND DECREASING RAPIDLY
As you read the sign you hear a scream of pain ending
with a mortal gurgle and the sign clicks and the number
now reads 466. This is a really tough place. But you must
go on!
You start towards town - then stop as you hear heavy
breathing and cursing coming towards you around the
bend. Where there is heavy breathing and cursing there is
usually someone doing the HB and C you reason. You will
face up to the danger - no turning back now!
You clutch the handle of your morning star, give the
chain a rattle, shake the spike-studded globe on the end
and wait.
[[Next|71]]What a climb. But you can do it! Up and over the ridge,
then down and down again to the jungle. Here the trail
leads off through the squishy plants.
[[Next|206]]No one is listening now - so I can be brutally frank. You
will never get into the Special Corps with a memory like
yours. As full of holes as a colander! Take a brace and
think. Remember, you were in danger, facing certain death
or worse, you had three gold coins left - what did you do
with them?
Great! A little prodding and it all came back. You hid
them in your left boot. What a brain.
[[Next|11]]The sound of running footsteps ahead! You have chosen
the right way to go. Run faster - you have him - for there
he stands in the open doorway with nothing but air behind
him. He must surrender now!
That's funny, he's gone. You look out and see that he
has grabbed a rope from a beam overhead and has swung
over to the castle rooftop. The rope swings back. Should
you try to grab it? Looks dangerous. But that old creep
made it. That's it, what courage. You seize the rope and
swing out over the dizzying depths.
[[Next|255]]The crowd roars hoarsely above, screaming obscenities and
throwing beer bottles. But you ignore them - you have
eyes only for your opponent. He is burly, ugly, well-
muscled, scar-covered, unwashed - and wearing a shield
on his left arm. More important, he has an ugly sharp
sword in his right hand which he lifts above his head as he
roars a battle cry.
He attacks, rushing at you, sword swinging. Don't just
stand there shivering - do something! That's it, fight, fight
as only fighters of the Special Corps can fight.
[[Cast your Net at his Sword Arm|283]]
[[Throw the Net at his Feet to Trip Him|160]]'You're a prince,' Robbing Good says, taking your arm in
the friendliest manner possible and leading you away from
the others. 'They are a lying crew - and you know that
you can trust me. Well - normally - you can trust me,
that is. But not in the matter of gold coins for which I
have an endless lust.'
Just as the impact of this statement is sinking in, the
impact of his fist on the back of your head knocks you to
the ground. You roll over and look at his arrow vibrating
with the tension of the drawn bow, his fingers slipping
from the nocked arrow . . .
Right, you don't need any diagrams to understand this.
With a sigh you tell him where the coins are buried and he
rushes off. Oh, gloom - you are doomed to spend the rest
of your life on this planet. Well, not quite. That's it - look
up. Listen to me and stop feeling sorry for yourself for one
moment. There is one thing I haven't told you about yet. I
was saving it for the right moment and this looks like the
moment. While you were under hypnosis - you didn't
know we had you hypnotized did you? The Special Corps
does not reveal all its secrets! Anyway, while you were
hypnotized, we planted a miniature time machine in the
joint of your right index finger. All you have to do is crack
your knuckle to energize it. That's it, don't feel foolish,
pull hard on your finger. It goes crack.
[[Next|80]]Well done! You have dodged his net, hit him with your
shield and have sent him crashing to the ground. Instantly
you are upon him. You stand on his back while he writhes
beneath you and raise your sword high to plunge into his
back. Should you? You look to the Royal Box for a sign
from Sadie the Sadistic. She raises her arm slowly...
[[Next|91]]Safely ashore, you kick the last of the stingrays back into
the lake and look for the balloon. There it is, sinking lower
- it is down! Run, don't walk, it will help dry you off.
[[Next|130]]Very nice, quite comfortable in fact, though this moving
walkway seems to go on forever. Yes, sitting down is a
good idea. But why are you starting to sweat like that?
Stand again, look ahead. I'm afraid that I see it too. This
moving trap goes downward and ends in a pool of molten
lava.
That's it - start walking back. You can make it, this
thing doesn't move very fast . . .
Thank you for correcting me. It didn't used to move very
fast. It speeds along now, the air is getting hotter, the lava
closer . . .
Then you spot it. A tiny stone platform in the lava. Your
only chance. Run forward, faster and faster!
[[Next|181]]You sing - and oh, how you sing, putting your heart and
soul into it for your life may be at stake. And when you are
done and you stop for breath the mighty porcuswine shakes
its quills at you, rakes the ground with a giant trotter - and
bursts out laughing.
'Ho-ho, weak human - you have been the butt of a
swinish prank! I was going to help you in any case, but I
just wanted to have one last song with you afore ye gang
away. Your adventure on this disgusting planet is almost
at an end. You will find out how...'
[[Next|307]]Help me, you cry out - and Help! again. But look at them,
the clanking cowards. They flee in a panic. So much for
their worthless tin hides.
You turn to flee as well - but it is too late.
A great, hairy, unwashed hand seizes you up. You are
helpless in the powerful grasp. You writhe, but cannot
escape as the brute paws through your clothing and finds
the Jewel of the Jungle. Roaring with happiness, it ties you
up with vines stripped from the trees.
This is not too good. Go ahead and find out what happens next; waiting
won't do any good.
[[Next|70]]Nothing much happens for the moment. The hairy brute is
much taken with the Jewel of the Jungle and polishes it
2nd stares at it and chortles a good deal. You writhe against
the vines but they have been tied too tightly. Is this the
end?
'This is the end!' the brute says, standing over you and
laughing. 'I'm not this hairy by accident you know. I'm
the first cousin of Hairy Harry the Killer Cannibal and I
share all of his disgusting habits - including a taste for
long pig. We only disagree on the manner of preparation.
He likes a New England boiled dinner, but I think he has
seen too many crappy cartoons of cannibals cooking up
explorers in big black pots. Meat should be roasted, I
say!'
Nor has he been idle while he has been speaking,
gathering up dried branches and piling them around you
right up to your neck. You gaze out over the pile of
kindling as he takes out his Zippo and lights it, laughing
hysterically all the time of course.
Is this it? Have you had it? Doomed to be cooked and
eaten on this distant planet light years from Earth? Is this
your fate?
Don't ask me when you can find out yourself.
[[Next|278]]The creature again. I agree, it is a little clumsy, but all it
needs is one crunch of those mighty jaws and you have had
it.
You are going to do what? Stare it down? Prove that
human beings can master the creatures of the forest with
steely gaze and power of will? That is really a crazy - I
mean great idea! Good luck - for here it comes again.
Raging and tearing up the sand, teeth gleaming in the fitful
sunshine, closer and closer . . .
You stand your ground, fixing it with your firm gaze
and, still standing and staring.
[[Next|305]]Loud footsteps sound now and around the bend comes a
really ugly cowboy riding a six-legged horse.
'Stand and deliver, you-all!' he shouts out as he coils his
rope in one hand.
He is unarmed and you hurl insults at him - which he
catches and hurls back. Meanwhile he swings his lassoo
around his head. Suddenly, you are not too happy. You
rush to attack, but the six-legged horse is fast on his feet
and skitters away. You cannot reach him with your morning
star or sword and you wish you had taken the bow and
arrows instead.
But it is too late to grieve! His arm lashes out and the
rope snakes towards you. You dodge - but it is too late.
The loop settles over your arms, trapping you and he dives
and bulldogs you to the ground and disarms you. Is this
the end?
[[Next|161]]She's not being too sadistic this time for she raises her
thumb - thumbs up and the rough crowd cheers wildly.
Even they appreciate her good sportsmanship. You bow in
her direction, give the prostrate body a last kick to show
who won.
[[Next|335]]Well done. The robot rushes past you and you give the
thing a swipe on the back of the head as it goes by. It falls
- but springs to its feet again and advances. This time it is
you who attack, screaming horribly, aiming a great blow
that the robot cannot dodge. Your sword descends - and
you find out what happens.
[[Next|320]]This bozo is a lot faster than you imagined. He is right
behind you, roaring and swearing and getting closer with
each bound. There is nothing for it - you are going to have
to wheel about and fight.
It is sword against club and a vicious battle indeed. The
brute is very strong and parries your thrusts with maniac
laughter. Then he springs in and a whistling blow strikes
the sword from your hand. Is all lost? You are going to
gave to run for it again. Better luck this time. But it is no
good. He is on you in a trice. A great, hairy, unwashed
hand seizes you up. You are helpless in the powerful grasp.
You writhe but cannot escape as the brute paws through
your clothing and finds the Jewel of the Jungle. Roaring
with happiness, it ties you up with vines stripped from the
trees.
This is not too good. Go ahead and see what happens next, waiting
won't do any good.
[[Next|70]]Come off it! Since when do prospective members of the
Corps get off destroying helpless rusty robots? You weep a
silent tear at the mistake you almost made, pat the robot on
the shoulder.
[[Next|78]]'Thank yon, oh mighty and lenient stranger! As a reward
for your justice I will tell you what you need to know.
When you cross the bridge you will come to a fork in the
trail. If you go left you will die within seconds, killed by
the poisonous snakes that abound there. Take the right
fork to safety. Now go - with a poor robot's thanks.'
Nodding acceptance of what is your due you stride across
the bridge.
[[Next|128]]He roars with victory, thinking that he has you now, leaps
forward. But you are a fighting devil you are! As he jumps
you lash out with your legs and send him sprawling and
falling - right back to the edge of the chasm!
[[Next|51]]Pretty fancy, hey? You have zipped back in time and are
once more beneath the gallows with the volunteers for your
gold coins. What they don't know is that you now know
they are all a bunch of crooks. Ohh, you knew that all the
time? But you have been forced into trusting them in the
attempt to find the professor. So keep trying - even though
you can't trust them. But don't make the same mistake
twice. You have zipped back in time because of being too
trusting. Don't give any of these crooks a second chance.
So choose. Wait!
I have one other bit of advice...No, I'm sorry I
cannot give it to you right now. Your friends await with
kind offers of help. You must give them a chance to tell
you what they know. Yes, that's right, all five of them.
Now don't cheat - no cheats allowed in the Corps! Try
them out.
Only after you have given every one of the five a chance
to help can you choose the last option.
[[Ride with the Duke of Groann|330]]
[[Travel with Arbuthnot the Rejected|149]]
[[Trot Along with Robbing Good|59]]
[[Find Hairy Harry|21]]
[[Sadie the Sadistic Awaits...|159]]
[[You've Aksed Them All Already...|168]]You regain consciousness, alone on the rooftop. The pro-
fessor of evil has gone. You have no choice, the pursuit
must go on. You drag one weary foot after another through
the turret door.
[[Next|148]]Yes, twist and writhe with guilt! You call yourself a recruit
for the Special Corps? Hear the old man scream! That's it
- be brave - rush back.
[[Next|139]]If you said a crow with a machine-gun score thirteen points.
If you got it wrong, you score nought. Now listen, he-
who-breathes-forth-flame speaks again. 'Next shot. What
happens when you cross an elephant with a jar of peanut
butter?' Think hard.
[[Next|31]]That was neat, the way you kicked each one in the head
with the boot they were pulling. Look at all those gaping
jaws! Right, creep aside quick while they grope around the
spot where you used to be. Quietly, tiptoe out the door and
down the hall. Faster now - for in a few seconds the charge
will be gone and you will be visible again. There you go,
cursing again . . . yes, I see them now. Guards filling the
hall ahead, the stewpot behind. Have you looked down?
You have, you've seen the handle too. Lift it quickly -
they see you now.
Only darkness beneath the trapdoor. But not much
choice, is there? That's it, jump down.
[[Next|306]]The Star Beast is getting bored with this and the prof has
fallen asleep in his cage and you wish that you were
someplace else - but you stir to life when the beast speaks.
'Kind of weak on the old physics, aren't you? How is
your chemistry? Listen carefully to this poem:
Little Lucy in the lab,
Lies dead upon the floor.
For what she thought was H2O,
Was H2SO4.
'Got that? Now for the question: what is H2SO4?'
[[Next|1]]She's not being too sadistic this time for she raises her
thumb - thumbs up and the rough crowd cheers wildly.
Even they appreciate her good sportsmanship. You bow in
her direction, give the prostrate body a last kick to show
who won.
[[Next|335]]You slide down a chute - shoot through the air - and land
on a soft mattress that emits a large cloud of dust. When
you finish sneezing and dash the tear from your eyes you
see that you are in an immense chamber and there, right
before your eyes, is Prof. Geisteskrank. He is locked in a
cage and looking fiercely unhappy. To you he never looked
better. You open your mouth to speak - but before you do
there is an immense roar behind you and a blast of hot air.
You whirl about and see a hideous, giant, scaly, winged
dragon just a few feet away!
You reel back as another blast of flaming dragon halitosis
blasts out. The dragon fixes its noxious little red eyes on
you, opens its smoke-stained jaws - and speaks!
'Well, look what we have here - another little squishy
mammal, just like the one in the cage! You look good
enough to eat, deary - but I must control my appetite.
Look, be a nice creature and shovel a few bucketfuls of
coal into my mush before my fire goes out.'
You have little choice. You take the shovel from the
coalbin beside you, the creature opens its horrible gaping
mouth - and you shovel like crazy. You are adrip with
sweat before it belches a cloud of smoke and coal gas and
signals enough with a wave of its claws.
'That will do nice,' it burps. 'If you are hungry, too,
just help yourself to a little nosh from the table over
there.'
Since you never argue with a dragon, you turn to the
table to see two slices of cake, one chocolate and the other
coconut. As you look at them the prof calls out.
'Fashtoonking dumfkopf - the beast means to kill you.
The chocolate is poisoned and the coconut contains a
brain-destroying drug.'
[[Listen to him and Don't Eat|103]]
[[Ignore the Fiend, Fear Not the Poison and Eat the Chocolate|221]]
[[Nosh the Coconut|158]]You are on a small balcony looking out at the sky and the
wheeling birds. Very lonely. But how about looking down
and seeing what is happening. Crawling Comets - there is
the evil professor escaping across the castle roof. You have
no choice - even if you have no head for heights. You must
climb down this wall, there're plenty of handgrips, and
follow the mad prof. There you go, over the edge, you
won't be able to hold on so well if your hands keep sweating
like that.
[[Next|255]]With dragging steps you enter the alien artefact. All is
strange. The floor is hard to the touch - yet is springy as
turf. An alien mystery. The walls, which are soft to the
touch yet not springy at all, glow with a nacreous light -
why are you stopping? You want to know what nacreous
means. The dictionary will tell you, we must press on. The
nacreous illumination casts nacreous shadows on all sides
making it difficult for you to see where you are going. But
there is something ahead. Mysterious and alien, indeed -
what a strange race they must have been.
There are what appears to be four ways to proceed and
none of them looks attractive. Is that writing, where, there
- ahh yes. Human writing with a cheap felt tip. And I
recognize the style - it is the prof's. He was making notes,
perhaps to help him find his way.
At the edge of this hole in the floor, with the fireman's
pole in the middle. The slime-covered,
cold and repulsive stairway with the cold wind blowing
down it. While the dark tunnel, so low one
would have to crawl, and look,
just like an airport, a moving walkway.
What to do? Which did he take? Over to you for decision.
[[Hole|105]]
[[Stairway|47]]
[[Tunnel|123]]
[[Moving walkway|66]]You are in an immense slide lubricated with rushing water.
Gasping and gurgling you are carried along. But the water
is not running so fast now - you sit up and try to peer
ahead. You hear a rushing sound and a great hissing. What
can it be?
Unhappily you find out soon enough. The water trough
emerges into a large chamber filled with an immense pool
of lava! The trough goes down into the lava where the
water is turned instantly to steam. Is this the end? You
peer through the clouds of steam and see one hope, a tiny
islet of rock in the lava pool. Ready . . .
[[JUMP|181]]You drape the net over your left arm, seizing one end in
your fist, and grab up the trident with your right hand.
Are you ready? You had better be - because the door
before you is grinding open, sunshine floods in. You
straighten your back and march proudly.
[[Next|58]]The door leads to a clean and well-lit room. I agree, quite a
change. There is a soft chair beside a table, upon which
stands an immense fruit bowl. You cough and splutter as
the saliva fills your mouth. It has been ages since you ate
last and the fruit looks good. But shouldn't you be careful?
It might be a trap or the fruit might be poisoned or
something.
I'm sorry, I can't understand what you are saying. You
shouldn't talk with your mouth full of fruit like that.
You have finished most of the fruit by now and the floor
a littered with rinds and husks. This planet has given you
some bad habits.
Belching like that and ignoring my advice are two more
of those bad habits!
A creak of an opening door! You spin about, on guard,
ready for any horror that might come in. Something
approaches from the darkness and enters . . . it is ...
Yes, not quite what you expected. It is a lovely woman
in a skintight gown, firm of figure and flesh. Have you ever
seen her before? Yes, but only from a distance, the rich red
lips speak - and you are sure.
'Welcome, stranger, welcome. I can see by your gaping
jaw and bulging eyes that you recognize me - for you
saw me earlier in the Royal Box in the arena. I am Sadie
the Sadistic, only ruler of the Sons of Sadism. Which
isn't really the right name since half of my army is
female, but Sons and Daughters of Sadism doesn't quite
have the same fine ring. And we live by terror!'
You shiver a bit and let your knees quake since this is
obviously expected of you, and Sadie nods approval.
'I liked your style in the arena. I never saw anyone
else face down a wild beast like that. Therefore I am
doing you the immense favour of enrolling you in my
sadistic army. You ready to join? Remember - it is
enrolment or instant death. You've decided to join? Very
good.
'But it's not a lifetime enrolment. I hear a lot of things
and one thing I heard is that you are after that scientific
nutcase named Prof. Geisteskrank. Good for you and I'll
be glad to help put him out of circulation. But only after
you have done a little favour for me. A quick journey
through the Juicy Jungle, to a secret temple hidden
among the ruins there, to find and bring back the great
Jewel of the Jungle. I know that you will do it, the
animals are rough - I've lost twelve volunteers - but you
are number thirteen and that is a lucky number. And you
have a way with animals.'
Not much choice, is there? You wisely accept her offer
and proceed down the hall after her.
[[Next|109]]A roar of irritation from the dragon that singes your back
hair sends you leaping forward for the chocolate cake.
[[Next|221]]So sliding down the pole seemed like a good idea. But how
long has the slide taken? You could never go back. And it
is getting hotter, glowing reddish and nasty down below.
You look down and grab tight to the pole. Because the end
of the pole ends in a pool of molten lava. Don't ask me, the
decision is yours. But if you would open your eyes and
stop shaking like that you would see a tiny stone platform
in the lava. Yes, one chance. As you slide down you must
let go, push off, jump and try to land on that tiny spot.
[[Next|181]]Down and down this trail winds, along the hillside above a
dismal swamp. Careful of your footing! One slip here and
the slimy mud will hold you in its embrace forever. What
sound? I didn't hear anything. Ahh, yes, I do now - a
bellowing and snorting. And there is the source - in the
mud wallow, right across your path. What is it? I wouldn't
like to say for sure, but it looks very much like a porcu-
swine. Very rare.
What to do now? Your choice. You can skirt it by going
uphill or if you think you can slip past it better by
going downhill or, if you want to
brave it out where you can peek out at the
handsome creature from behind that tree.
[[Go uphill|145]]
[[Go Downhill|111]]
[[Brave it out|110]]Well, that wasn't much good. You tried to sneak around
the hideous porcuswine but it was no good. Better creep
up and take a closer look at the thing.
[[Next|110]]'Give this volunteer weapons and armour!' Sadie orders
and her minions rush to obey. 'And the secret map of
Juicy Jungle that shows the way to the ruins.'
She sweeps out regally while all bow and kowtow. It
really helps when the boss is on your side. You are given
stainless steel chainmail, heavy, but it will protect you. A
steel helmet with a red feather - very elegant - and a
sword as well as a bow and arrow. A bottle of wine, two
sandwiches and a package of cookies. What more could
you possibly need?
Off this screwball planet and home. Yes, I agree. And
that reward will be yours as soon as you bring in the prof.
So wave goodbye to the lackies. Now, with your head up
and walking proudly, stamp across the bridge to the jungle.
[[Next|125]]You are right, the track is getting muddier and muddier,
cloying and holding your tired legs. It's no go - you'll
never get through down here. But look, there ahead, a
ridge of higher land that leads up out of the swamp.
Clamber on to it, and crawl along it slowly and painfully.
[[Next|108]]A chamber in the rock - but before you can examine it the
floor gives way and you are falling, sliding, shooting out
through the air to land heavily in the sand. The sun hurts
your eyes. You have seen this all before you realize leadenly.
[[Next|96]]You gasp at the apparition that appears - no wonder it was
breathing heavily! A creature - could it be a man? - who
knows - stands before you dressed in homemade steel
armour. From inside the helmet an echoing voice cries out:
'Stand and deliver, stranger - or it is curtains for you!'
Followed by a very dirty laugh.
You turn and run - but this geezer is very fast on his
feet and clanks around and cuts you off.
The bow! You shoot an arrow that splinters on his
armour. More wild laughter. You swing with your sword
which breaks in half.
I'm sorry - but you have had it. You flee once more but
foul hands seize you . . .
[[Next|185]]Once more through the bone-littered halls to the throne
room. Hairy Harry belches approval at the sight of the
slaves, a peregrinating pantry to him. But what a surprise
he has in store! As Arbuthnot belts him with club you and
all the others cast off your chains. While they beat up on
the surprised guards you dart after Prof. Geisteskrank. He
sees you and curses in a guttural language - which it is just
as well you don't understand, because I do and it's pretty
nasty stuff- and darts away.
After him! Across the throne room and through a door.
Curses - he slams it in your face! Do you search for a key or do you grab up an ironbound club to see if you can break it down.
[[Search for key|36]]
[[Grab ironbound club|120]]Some leap! You must have springs in your heels. As the
door opened so did a trapdoor in the floor. Instead of
falling into it you jumped over it and landed safely in the
room. And there is the Jewel of the Jungle resting on the
table! A ruby the size of a hen's egg, set into a nice golden
crown. No wonder Sadie the Sadistic wants it. It's the
same colour as her eyes.
You step forward and reach for it - then stop.
Good thinking, because this looks too easy. Anything
might happen if you just picked it up.
If you are brave and laugh at danger pick up the Jewel or if you are chicken and want to live longer - reach out
carefully and snare the crown with the tip of your sword
[[Jewel|248]]
[[Crown|165]]Thud! Crash! And the door splinters beneath your mighty
blows, falling into teeny splinters at the strength of your
attack. You step through the ruins, taking the ironbound
club as a wise precaution, and at once face a problem.
The hall branches into three before you. What to do?
Don't ask me - this is your case. Ready?
Go!
[[Left|57]]
[[Straight|39]]
[[Right|276]]How loathsome! Hairy Harry the Killer Cannibal sits before
you on a throne made of human bones - how many poor
souls he must have consumed! He wears no clothes for his
long, curly red hair with which he is coated conceals his
vile form well enough. He speaks, in an evil voice redolent
of kitchen ladles and garbage can lids.
'Ho, ho - what have we here! A toothsome morsel
indeed. Off to the kitchen with him!'
But before the order can be obeyed a skinny, grey-haired
man strides in, a monocle tucked into one eye. It is Prof.
Geisteskrank! He speaks . . .
'Achh, all you link of iss your rumbling rum, Hairy
Harry. I need a volunteer for a hideous experiment. Let
me have this one.'
Some prospect. Out with your trusty APB and flip.
[[HEADS|37]]
[[TAILS|18]]Like a bird you soar - up, up and away! And land with a
crashing thud on the ledge which begins to break away
from the rock wall behind it . . .
You really do move quite fast when you want to. Leap-
ing, scrambling - and cursing when a drop of lava lands
sizzling on your leg, you dance along the collapsing rock
towards a gaping tunnel entrance.
[[Next|333]]Take a deep breath - and crawl into the tunnel. It's pretty
boring stuff, even though it is a little cramped. But the
ceiling is higher now, and you can walk upright, trailing
your fingers along the wall as you go, in order to find your
way in the darkness.
Does it go on forever - or does it just seem that way? A
little rest is surely in order, even a little nap . . .
You awake and go on. The tunnel seems endless. But
just when you despair and think of turning back you see
light ahead. Can it be an illusion? No, it is real, you grope
the wall as you break into a run, emerging from your
tunnel trap into a chamber . . .
Off of which lead two low, dark tunnels.
I know, it's one of those days. They are identical, so
perhaps you had better use your APB or coin to suss this
one out.
[[HEADS|191]]
[[TAILS|17]]Perhaps a wise decision - all the signs so far seem to have
lied. Climb slowly, seems safe enough, another room ahead
. . . Peek in.
Well, looks harmless enough. A nice little well-lit cham-
ber, a comfortable chair on wheels, the wheels on tracks
leading through a tunnel to glorious sunshine. And another
sign that reads, in translation, of course:
UNHAPPILY THE STAR BEAST IS DEAD - BUT THANKS
FOR COMING. PLEASE SIT IN THIS COMFY CAR, PRESS THE
BUTTON AND YOU WILL LEAVE. HAVE A SAFE JOURNEY.
I agree - you can't trust a Kakalok. Or can you? You
could sit in the chair and press the button or creep by it and walk down the tracks and get out
that way. Decide!
[[Press the button|304]]
[[Walk down the tracks|337]]Dark and scary - but that doesn't bother you! Not you
with your armour and your weapons and your morale
bucked up by the fact that you have already knocked back
half of the bottle of wine. Not that I'm complaining, mind
you, just a friendly comment, ha-ha.
Animals rustle on all sides, hidden by the undergrowth,
birds call out sharply from the jungle canopy above and -
that's it, move aside sharply, it missed - from time to time
they send little cloaca! messages down to you. So why are
you stopping now, not tired already?
Ahh, yes, I see, the trail has come to a junction and it
now offers you three possibilities. Nor is the map any help,
since all of the trails seem to go in the right direction,
towards the ruins. So - the decision is up to you.
Take the trail to the left, The central path, or the
stony track on the right winds uphill
[[Left|107]]
[[Central path|206]]
[[Right|55]]There are some days when nothing you do turns out right.
Before you can get close enough to stop him, the prof cuts
the rope and, screaming hysterically - or falling in grim
and noble silence. . .
[[Next|136]]You see the collapsed balloon and grow wary. After all the
prof still has that gun. You must circle the balloon stealth-
ily, either upwind to the right, or downwind
to the left.
[[Right|256]]
[[Left|192]]'And why should I do a scrawny punk like you a favour?'
the thug growls in a voice as deep as an underground
sewer. Smells like one as well. 'I should beat you up - but
I'm tired after two murders in one day. You may buy
your information - and your life - for the special this-
week-only bargain price of one silver coin.'
Discretion being the better part of valour, and you are
also tired from your recent strenuous adventures in the
underground city, you smile and pay up. Suspicious as
ever, this creature bites the coin, then points.
'He went thataway. I saw him grabbed by the pressgang
for the arena.'
Before you can ask him just what in bowb he is talking
about he screams horribly and runs off. You have no
recourse but to go thataway as well. . .
[[Next|190]]The rope is cut! You fall, is this the end? No - for there is
a lake below. Though while it is small and filled with
stingrays it is nevertheless big enough to break your fall.
Splash - and you are down. The first stingrays zero in on
you splashing their stings against the water with victorious
smacks.
To the left the shore is close and muddy; or to reach the distant sandy beach to the right.
[[Left|43]]
[[Right|63]]Run! Fast as you can! This is a mistake - back where you
just came from!
[[Next|134]]You walk casually into the bar and discover that the revelry
you heard was really the sound of four thugs beating up on
the tavern-keeper. They look at you and shake their clubs
menacingly. You look at them and quickly make your
mind up. You can stay out of trouble by leaving and going
or you can sort things out now by flipping a gas
bomb at them to stop the mayhem.
[[Leave|83]]
[[Toss a gas Bomb|170]]You have very strong hands, but even you feel your grip
weakening. Things don't look too good - but there, up
ahead, a storm cloud. We are drifting towards it, are
beneath it - and it is pouring with rain. That is good news,
even if you don't believe it. With the cloud blocking the
sun and the rain cooling the balloon the gas inside is
cooling down. So the balloon is dropping. Your voyage
may be at an end.
Sooner than you think. Prof. Geisteskrank leans over the
side to look at the ground - and he has seen you!
'Donnervetter, geshtinkerplotz!' he curses terribly.
And, see, he has a knife to cut the rope you are hanging
from. If you wait, helplessly, for your certain end or if you climb the rope to grapple with the nutter. . .
[[Wait|136]]
[[Climb|126]]The crowd roars hoarsely above, screaming obscenities and
throwing beer bottles. But you ignore them - have eyes
only for your opponent. He is burly, ugly, well-muscled,
scar-covered, unwashed - and carrying a net over his left
arm. More important, he has an ugly trident in his right
hand which he lifts above his head as he roars a battle cry.
He attacks, rushing at you, net swinging. Don't just
stand there shivering - do something! That's it, fight, fight
as only fighter of the Special Corps can fight.
If you try to cut his net or, if you prefer to dodge out of the way and have a try
with your shield and sword.
[[Cut his net|282]]
[[shield and sword|60]]Very rough going, I'll agree with that. The path has
vanished and it is hard climbing this hill in the sun with all
those weapons and armour.
Why are you shouting? I see, the rocks are slipping out
from under you. Try as hard as you can you cannot stop
your fall.
So tumble and slide. . .
[[Next|108]]Sadie surely has a heart of gold. Or rather a pocketful. The
sadistic business must have been good lately. She shakes
ten gold coins into your greedy palm and points at the
horizon.
'A good day's march in that direction - following the
path marked with skulls and broken bones - will bring
you to the town of Endsville. Without a doubt this is the
most-disgusting and depraved county seat on the entire
planet, where only the totally rejected, unwanted, loath-
some and repugnant types go. They make the rest of us
look like angels, let me tell you. Rumour has it that your
potty prof Geisteskrank is holed up there and indulging
in experiments too foul to mention. Do us all a favour
and get him out of here. He gives ordinary criminals a
bad name.'
At this point one of Sadie's minions rushes up with a.
basket of roast chickens and you all tuck in for a greasy
feed. And while you eat you think - I hope. You feel very
vulnerable with all the gold you have and all the crooks
around and, when no one is looking, you slip three of the
coins into your left boot.
When the ground is littered with bones and bits of skin,
you belch delicately behind your hand and prepare to leave.
If you thank Sadie for her many kindnesses, or if you want to presume on her hospitality some more for
help in your mission..
[[Thank Sadie|319]]
[[Ask for more help|41]]With a tear in one ugly eye, Arbuthnot puts his arm around
you and leads you away from the watching ruffians. He
speaks:
'Dear friend, I shall be ever grateful to yon. The one
person in this awful world who did not reject me. How
nice you are! That's it, down this path into the woods - I
don't want those beastly criminals to hear what I have to
say. Because what I have to say is so embarrassing it
shames me to speak. See! I blush at the thought. But I
have no choice. I must do a naughty to the only person
who ever helped me!'
As you ponder the meaning of this strange statement, he
hurls you to the ground with one mighty hand and raises
his club over his head and snarls at you.
'One chance - and one alone, sucker! Tell me where
the gold coins are - you have exactly two seconds - or I
bash your brains all over the greensward. Speak!'
Rightly enough - you speak. You have no choice. Crying
with happiness, he rushes away. Depressed, you hang your
head.
Hist! Listen to me and stop feeling sorry for yourself for
one moment. There is one thing I haven't told you about
yet. I was saving it for the right moment and this looks like
the moment. While you were under hypnosis - you didn't
know we had you hypnotized did you? The Special Corps
does not reveal all its secrets! Anyway, while you were
hypnotized, we planted a miniature time machine in the
joint of your right index finger. All you have to do is crack
your knuckle to energize it. That's it, don't feel foolish,
pull hard on your finger. As soon as it goes crack you. . .
[[Next|80]]The sign was an outright lie because no instant death grabs
you - nor a lingering death either. More steps, more musty
smells and scratching of fleeing and unseen rats. Another
door ahead, just enough light from the cracks in the walls
to read what is painted there:
THE JOOL ROOM - KEEP OUT!
Right, they can't spell very well - but maybe they are
better jewellers. Throw the door open and leap through!
[[Next|119]]They bid you tearful goodbyes - and you wipe the oil off
your hands as soon as their backs are turned. What a
shower! You are better off rid of them. But at least one of
them, the robot pilot, knew the way to the realm of Sadie
the Sadistic. He pointed the way, directly towards the
setting sun, and you now march off strongly in that
direction. March all afternoon until. . .
[[Next|270]]Yes, I agree, tickling wasn't the world's greatest idea. The
great ugly creature simply brushed you aside but at least it
didn't bite you or maul you. And here it comes again!
You jump aside so that it misses you!
[[Next|112]]You could have picked a better place to climb the wall.
You landed right in front of the Enlisted Torturer's Mess
and they are a tough bunch. Bang, crash, and they have
you and you have no recourse!
[[Next|28]]The two of you scowl at each other, shake your weapons
and call out filthy oaths. My goodness, where did you learn
to swear like that! But no one feels like a fight and he
passes by. When you are sure that he has gone, you
continue warily down the road through the woods until
you come to a fork in the road. Out with the Old Reliable
APB. . .
[[HEADS|176]]
[[TAILS|190]]There is a heavy clunk and Hairy Harry lets go of you -
and staggers around holding his head and yiping with pain
and generally feeling sorry for himself. For standing there,
still swinging the club with which he has bashed Hairy
Harry, is an ugly but familiar figure. It is your old chum
Arbuthnot the Rejected. Listen - for he speaks!
'To see you again, dear friend, is always a pleasure for
you are the only one who has ever befriended me.
Therefore I will earn the three gold coins by taking you
at once to Professor Geisteskrank.'
Before you can take up his offer, he is shouldered aside
by a very sexy shoulder covered by a torn silk dress. It is
Sadie the Sadistic - but she is not looking too great.
'Listen, oh stranger, to my tale of woe. I have come
down in the world, rejected by the Sons of Sadism after
the arena collapsed during a minor earthquake. I walk
the roads, penniless and in despair. But I have a bright
future - particularly if I have three gold coins as a stake.
You can trust me - for I freed you didn't I? I'll take you
to the prof and claim my reward.'
Before you can make up your mind there is a shower of
leaves from a nearby tree, followed by a heavy thud as
Robbing Good drops to the ground.
'Don't listen to that sadistic tart!' he calls out. 'She
would steal the pennies from a dead man's eyes. In fact,
that's just how she got the stake to found her mob. Stick
with me kid - didn't I tell you the truth last time we met?
And I'm the only person who knows where the professor
is hiding.'
They all shout at you and at one another - then scatter as a great horse thunders up, hooves hammering the
ground. From his back springs down an elegant figure
dressed in chainmail with a gilded codpiece. He removes
his helmet and you gaze at the noble features of the Duke
of Groann.
'Begone, varlets,' he orders. 'You are all criminals and
liars who pester this honest person. I, who am incredibly
rich and don't need the gold anyway, will lead the way to
the professor for I wish him removed from this planet. I
need those gold coins not, for I am loaded with gelt as
you can see. I will do the job.'
With this they all begin shouting at each other and
arguing - which gives you a chance to make up your mind.
The Duke sure looks rich so maybe he is not lying. If
you want to go with him jump on the horse behind him,
But then again you have always had good luck with
Arbuthnot the Rejected. He has saved your life because
you are the only person who never rejected him. Don't
start now or he might cry!
Also - Robbing Good didn't lie to you. If you want to
take a chance on this forest hoodlum, But shouldn't you consider Hairy Harry, perhaps as a
last resort. Anyone that evil doesn't have to lie. Let him
lead you to the prof, Though there is still Sadie the Sadistic, once kind to
you, now come down in the world. Take that delicate pink
hand and let her show you the way.
The decision is yours!
[[The Duke|330]]
[[Arbuthnot The Rejected|149]]
[[Robbing Good|59]]
[[Hairy Harry|21]]
[[Sadie the Sadistic|159]]It is sword against club and a vicious battle indeed. The
brute is very strong and parries your thrusts with maniac
laughter. Then he springs in and a whistling blow strikes
the sword from your hand. Is all lost? Should you run
quickly to escape this brute? or why not call to the robots for help? You saved them
so it should be their turn to save you. Call out to them!
[[Run|275]]
[[Call out|69]]You shouldn't trust that professorial nutter any further
than you can throw him with one hand. You finish the
cake and turn back to the dragon. . .
[[Next|299]]Ahh, Sadie, you lovely creature. To hold your delicate
hand and trip across the greensward is paradise enow.
Why do we stop in this glade? Why does she smile and
look at you so endearingly? What could she have on that
lovely mind? What does she hold in those sweet fingers?
A razor-sharp knife that she has pulled from some place
of concealment! You try to dash it from her hand but she is
a mistress of karate. In an instant you are on the ground,
the blade to your throat, her soft voice whispering in your
ear:
'Talk, sucker, or you will never speak again! Where is
the gold?'
You speak quickly for you have no choice. A rustle of
silky garments and she is gone. You sit on the ground
immersed in a sea of gloom. Well swim to the surface for a
second and hear what I have to say. It appears now that
there is one tiny thing I haven't told you about yet. I was
saving it for the right moment and this looks like the
moment. While you were under hypnosis - you didn't
know we had you hypnotized did you? The Special Corps
does not reveal all its secrets! Anyway, while you were
hypnotized, we planted a miniature time machine in the
joint of your right index finger. All you have to do is crack
your knuckle to energize it. That's it, don't feel foolish,
pull hard on your finger. It goes crack..
[[Next|80]]Well done! You have trapped his feet and sent him crashing
to the ground. Instantly, you are upon him, tangling him
in the net so that he cannot escape. You stand on his back
while he writhes beneath you - and you raise your trident
high to plunge into his back. Should you? You look to the
Royal Box for a sign from Sadie the Sadistic. She raises her
arm slowly...
[[Next|72]]Ouch! This guy is really rough. He knocks you on the
head and you lie, half-stunned, as he steals everything.
Morning star and sword, then he roots through your
pockets. The matter-transmitter doesn't interest him, but
he takes everything else that you have. Including the seven
gold coins.
And when he is all done, just to add insult to injury, he
unwraps his rope and before you can get up he throws you
over a nearby cliff and gallops off.
But you are not dead yet! You clutch at the roots that
project from the cliff, hanging on for dear life and only
when the thug has gone do you pull yourself back up with
the last of your energy.
[[Next|328]]NO! HORRORS! UNBELIEVABLE!!!
This is too awful to describe! Return at once to the place
from whence you came.What a ghastly sight! Over the hill strides a really ugly
customer covered with scars, brass knuckles adorning his
great fists. He looks at you and sneers loudly. You look at
him and sneer back - but you are not sneering at the giant
boa constrictor draped around his neck. It flicks its evil
little tongue at you and sneers as well.
'Give me everything you got or my little Pansy will
crush every bone in your body. Give!'
How you wish you had taken the morning star to bean
this moron and his sickening serpent - or the bow to shoot
them - but you did not. You will have to make do with the
smokebombs. You scream and hurl one at him and he
curses and retreats. So far so good. But look - he drops the
snake and points:
'Go Pansy, attack and crush!'
You hurl more smokebombs until you discover some-
thing interesting about snakes. They don't see too well.
But they sure can smell things and they smell with their
tongues. Straight at you out of the cloud of smoke comes
Pansy! You run - but cannot escape. In an instant she is
wrapped around you in a bone-crushing embrace and dirty
laughter tears at your ears.
How will this end? You will find out...
[[Next|329]]Zoom - thunk! As you lift the crown with your sword, a
hidden mechanism is released and a spear shoots down
from the ceiling and thuds into the floor - hitting the spot
where you would have been standing if you had grabbed
the thing with your hands. These ancient builders were a
murderous lot!
You slip the Jewel of the Jungle inside your jacket and
leave. This place is definitely not healthy.
Ignoring the scurrying and squeaking, you make your
way back up through the ruined place until you see a wide
crack in one wall with green leaves growing in through it.
A way out!
But you know enough about this planet now not to rush
into anything sudden-like. Before you climb out you take a
careful look. What do you see when you peer out through
the crack?
[[Next|311]]A pretty rough lot - aren't they? You have given each one
of them a chance to help you find the prof and each one of
them has betrayed you. There they stand smirking and
simpering, not knowing that you have travelled back
through time, after having been betrayed by all of them.
You make your excuses. You say that you are going for
the gold coins, don't go away, then walk off whistling
through the forest. Then run for it!
There is crashing and loud cries behind you - but you
escape. You have done it - outwitted the lot! You will hide
here in the forest until dark then go back and dig up the
coins and try another plan. You aren't licked yet!
You sleep for a while and when you awake the sun is low
in the sky. You steal back through the woods and look out.
They are gone!
Fast as lightning you dig up the gold and run for it, into
the forest one last time. But - hark! - you are being
followed! Something large and crashing is on your trail,
coming ever closer!
It has arrived - you cannot escape! You turn about and
see ...
You don't know? You'll find out quickly enough..
[[Next|323]]What a nice day for a stroll. Sun shining, birds cheeping
their brains out. And your conscience bothers you, you
say? I don't wonder - leaving that poor lad there like that.
A real Field Agent would have gone to his aid. So who told
you to take my bad advice.
[[Next|38]]Well done. They all went nighty-night when the bomb
went off, and by the time they woke up you had them
bound with their own belts. You also collected six knives,
two guns, a club, some chewing gum, a calendar filled with
nudes, as well as a morning-star - and six copper coins. All
of which you gave to the innkeeper when he came to. He is
pathetically grateful when he speaks.
'Oh, good Samaritan, never did I think I would ever see
a helpful deed done on this pestilential planet. For your
future safety I now give you my invisibility belt which has
three charges left in it. Just press the buckle and twist and
you will be invisible for three minutes each time.'
You are touched by his goodwill, buckle the belt on -
but before you leave you ask him if he has heard of Prof.
Geisteskrank. He nods and moans his answer:
'The whole world knows this mad genius. He is in the
employ of Hairy Harry the Killer Cannibal. Hairy Harry
is the master of Crapper's Castle, once the demesne of
that noble breed of sanitary engineers who flush with
pride no more. All have been consumed with relish and
their bones bleach in the sun without. Stay away, I beg
of you - but if duty calls then you must away!'
[[Next|214]]You slip the shield over your left arm, and seize the sword
with your right hand. Are you ready? You had better be -
because the door before you is grinding open, sunshine floods
in. You straighten your back and march proudly.
[[Next|144]]The road is endless and you are tired. You stagger and
yawn and trudge on, until some time later you proceed to....
[[Next|190]]Walk carefully now, the planks arc rotten. The river's far
below and rilled with rocks - don't look at it! That's better,
you almost fell. Carry on. Good, almost over, a few feet
more - WATCH IT!
Yes, the plank did break, and no, one shouldn't scream
like that even when falling into the Rattlesnake River.
Down and down you go, splash.
[[Next|205]]A harsh blow to your head sends you sprawling. You
awake, shaking your head dizzily, look up - and move
aside just in time to avoid another blow from the vile fist of
a horribly familiar and vile figure. It is Hairy Harry the
Killer Cannibal! You turn to flee, but he seizes you in one
hirsute paw and drags you back. He speaks:
'This is the end for you! Hand over the gold coins or I
will eat you on the spot!'
He gapes hideously in your direction and a wave of
cannibalistic halitosis washes over you and you see that his
teeth are filed to sharp points. They clack in your direction,
he pulls you to him, raises your forearm to bite out a
chunk; you struggle helplessly to escape but cannot. Is this
the end? It might be - what do you think? Don't curse at
me - I didn't get you into this. You can ponder your fate
for a while longer, or you can break the suspense....
[[Next|156]]Phew, made it! Landed and skidded - but you didn't fall
in. But you can't stay here very long. Look around, dash
the perspiration from your eyes until you can see the
layout. Two tiny crumbling ledges on the far side of the
lava pool. What a choice - glad it is yours and not mine.
So, before you fry - jump left or right.
[[Jump Left|204]]
[[Jump Right|122]]Running doesn't help for they are right behind you. Like a
cornered beast you turn and the fight begins.
[[Next|194]]It worked - you are really fast on your feet. You jumped
and the creature missed. But here it comes again and you
have no choice but to jump again.
[[Next|112]]What a shot! You got a bullseye and the battling bully
missed completely. You are doing pretty well. Watch him
sweat as you raise your bow again and let fly.
Let fly your coin as well.
[[It's Heads|84]]
[[It's Tails|27]]Ouch! This guy is really rough. He knocks you to the
ground where you lie, half-stunned. He steals your bow,
your remaining arrows, roots through your pockets. The
matter-transmitter doesn't interest him, but he takes every-
thing else that you have. Including the seven gold coins.
And when he is all done, just to add insult to injury, he
throws you over a nearby cliff and clanks off.
But you are not dead yet! You clutch at the roots that
project from the cliff, hanging on for dear life, and only
when the fiend has gone do you pull yourself back up with
the last of your energy.
[[Next|328]]A dusty, ancient hall stretches out ahead of you. Eerie
green light filters down from cracks in the walls, rats and
other obnoxious things scuttle away as you approach. Not
nice. Yes, draw your sword, good idea, and walk carefully
down the hall. It turns and twists, then ends in a staircase.
You have no choice - you must go down. Carefully, one
step at a time. To the bottom where there are two doors.
That's encouraging - you must be in the right tower for
the door on the left has a sign on it that reads: THIS WAY TO
THE PRICELESS JEWEL OF THE JUNGLE.
Good, go that way - no? Oh, you want to read what it
says on the other door. Nothing important, really. Just one
of those empty threats. ENTER HERE AND DIE INSTANTLY
FOR A GRUESOME DEATH AWAITS YOU!
I agree - you do have a problem. Death or jewels. Which
one? And are the signs lying? Only one answer, you must
use that scientific prognosticating device the APB. You can
safely leave the choice to science. That's it, flip it high.
Heads you go left, tails, proceed right.
[[It's Heads|267]]
[[It's Tails|150]]You are in trouble, for as you walk you become aware of
footsteps on the pavement behind you. Knowing this can
mean no good you walk faster. This proves to be a good
idea until you also hear footsteps on the road ahead. Before
you can dart into the trees the thugs appear behind you
and in front of you.
You have very little choice at this time. You can run into
the woods in the hope that you can escape them. Or
you can stay and fight on.
[[Run Into the Woods|182]]
[[Stay and Fight On|194]]Another crawl, but this seems shorter. Long before ter-
minal exhaustion sets in you see a light ahead. You crawl
faster and emerge into a solid steel chamber with riveted
walls. And no exit that you can find. It might be wisest to
go back into the tunnel - but, no! - with a hideous
crunching sound, the tunnel collapses. You just got out in
time. But now what? Is there something in that dark corner
of the chamber? You go forward to see. Yes - there is a
bright red handle protruding from the wall with a tasteful
skull capping its end. Doesn't look too promising. There
is something carved into the metal above the handle.
Instructions in thirty-four languages, half of them long
vanished. It can be translated to mean - sorry, I didn't
know that you could read any of them. I agree. The
simplest translation would be PULL ME. Do you have a
choice?
After brooding a bit you reach out quivering fingers and
pull -
The floor opens. You are falling, falling down...
[[Next|98]]Quiet as a mouse you creep, holding your breath, wishing
that you still had the ironbound club with you. But that is
long gone. All you have now are your guts, your strength -
and all the other items in your pockets.
Something stirs - you stop! It was nothing, just the wind
flapping the fabric of the balloon. You go forward again
and there before you, you see . . .
A rather undramatic row of footprints in the sand. The
professor has gone. You have no other choice - you must
follow him.
[[Next|225]]Strong as you are, brave as you are - and tired as you are -
the outcome is not in doubt. They swarm all over you and
batter you to the ground. When your head stops reeling,
you realize that your hands are tied behind your back.
What a predicament. Surrounded by rough thugs and
guttural oaths, you are off.
[[Next|334]]You never learn - do you? The nice young lad punched
you up when you talked to him and you just managed to
escape. But you were tired and took a rest - then fell
asleep. You're awake now and look up - and horror of
horrors look who is there!
Do you recognize that great build and wild laughter? I
thought you might. It's Betsy Booster - and she has caught
you again.
So, kicking and screaming, you are dragged on once more. But you are in luck - Arbuthnot is there as well.
This time you should know what to do!
[[Next|65]]My, but you are strong. You won the fight easily with a
one-two knockout punch. Slow down, something around
the bend - yes indeed. Can it be? It must be. The shining
white walls of Crapper's Castle. The gate yawns wide,
beckoning. But you shake your head no. You have learned
your lessons well. Wait until dark, then scale the wall..
[[Next|153]]The empty hall stretches out ahead of you, there are
running footsteps. You run.
[[Next|242]]That was rough - but you did it and I am proud of you.
Don't curse - I heard that! And don't mutter about some
doing all the work and others doing all the talking. Good,
joke a bit, it will help you dry off. Trot around the bend -
ooops! Yes, he does look tough - but you are tough too!
Time for your Amphisbenic Bipolar Determinator, or APB
as it is called for short - or coin as you insist on calling it.
[[It's Heads|28]]
[[It's Tails|196]]Enough is enough yet already! The signs have all been
changed about. You should have gone the other way - so don't
waste time - get there now!
[[Next|53]]'I start off easy,' the Star Beast belches forth. 'Now the
big one. What is black and deadly and sits in a tree?'
You think you know the answer...
[[Next|85]]You are at the bottom of an immense pit that stretches up
and up until the sky is just a tiny patch above. But you
cannot climb the smooth walls. Nor would you want to!
The pit is filled with giant birds - and one is now diving on
you its great serrated beak open to munch you to death, its
foul breath washing over you like the exhaust of a millennia-
old sewer. You quickly decide between the doorway to the
east, or the one to the south.
[[Use the Door to the East|226]]
[[Use the Door to the South|210]]Is it still a millennia-old illusion that you are about to
escape? Does real sunshine really lurk outside the exit to
the north? Or should you not risk it and
go south?
[[Exit to the North|208]]
[[Exit to the South|264]]Like a bird you soar - up, up and away! And land with a
crashing thud on the ledge which begins to break away
from the rock wall behind it . . .
You really do move quite fast when you want to. Leap-
ing, scrambling - and cursing when a drop of lava lands
sizzling on your leg - you dance along the collapsing rock
towards a gaping tunnel entrance and simply hurl yourself at it.
[[Next|333]]It's a good thing that you can swim. No, don't panic! It's
just a swimming rattlesnake. And there's another one. Who
do you think they named the river after? You are a fast
swimmer, aren't you! Particularly when competing in the
race with snakes. Going to go ashore? Yes, but where? A
nice little beach there, but hooligans could be hiding in the
shrubs. You might be better off landing on the rocks.
Difficult and dangerous - but no shrubs.
[[Swim to the Beach|3]]
[[Swim to the Rocks|198]]Hard work, but you can do it: stumble along the trail - but
don't stumble off the edge . . .
It's one of those days. You fall.
[[Next|107]]Oh what a persevering devil you are! You crawl through a
crack in the crumbling wall and are outside the ruins at
last. Behind you there is a rumbling crunch as all of the
ceilings fall in - and about time too. You turn your back
on the now vanished millennia-old ruin and follow the
running footsteps of your quarry, the mad prof. Follow
them.
[[Next|261]]You are lucky! You have been spared - the delicate little
thumb of Sadie the Sadistic points skyward. Slobber a bit
of thanks to her.
[[Next|335]]Well we all - even I, but very rarely - make mistakes. This
is not a room but only a small niche in the wall. Outside, to the north, the evil bird screams and awaits your
return. Take a deep breath - ready, steady - GO!
[[Next|202]]Goodness, what strange animals there are on all the walls.
Coloured, apparently in motion due to an ancient millennia-
lost science. As you walk they appear to run, walk, sit, eat,
snap and other interesting things. But you will not be
distracted! You push on until you determine that the animal
room has three exits.
[[Choose the North Exit|297]]
[[Choose the West Exit|241]]
[[Choose the East Exit|281]]No light, no nothing. No gravity either since you keep
bumping against the ceiling. Go on - for it would be death
to stop now. Go on in the darkness until your groping
fingers discover that you can go north or south.
[[Go North|240]]
[[Go South|296]]You open the door and step aside. Tons of thundering
rocks tumble and roar in and bury the tiglon. Only its tail
protrudes from the mountain of rubble. This twitches once
- then is still. What a killer you are! Swaggering, you slip
your sword back into the scabbard, stroll across the cham-
ber - then open the door there and step through.
[[Next|188]]You are on the road again, having eaten and drunk well,
and following instructions you are on the lookout for the
hanging bridge across Death Valley. In its noisome depths
runs the poisonous Rattlesnake River. There it is ahead -
but, oh, horrors - the planks are decayed and broken and
might break under your weight. But see, there is a path to
the river's bank, where a boatman awaits.
[[Choose the Boat|26]]
[[Choose the Bridge|178]]Yes, I think that this hideous chamber was a mistake too.
Hot and smoky and smelling of evil and noxious fumes,
you stagger on and on - to discover that the only way out is
to the west.
[[Next|281]]Look, recruit, I like you. I really do. Take some more of
the mud out of your ear so you can hear me. Go fight that
prickly porker if you think that is best. I'll close my eyes
because I hate to see one so young die so horribly. So
instead of dying, why not reconsider the duet, clear your
throat, hum a few bars of Land of Hope and Glory and
proceed.
[[Next|266]]Simply amazing what those millennia-dead scientists could
do. You know that you are underground - yet you could be
in a rock-rimmed meadow with white clouds above and
soft blue grass beneath your feet. Yes, blue, you have not
suddenly gone colourblind. Maybe they liked grass that
way. In any case you wander on, smiling and happy,
reluctant to leave this sunny millennia-dead paradise.
[[Choose the Portal to the West|240]]
[[Choose the Portal to the North|235]]
[[Choose to the Portal to the South|234]]Tastes good. The prof is obviously full of crap. You finish
this, and the coconut as well, and turn back to the dragon.
[[Next|299]]Pitch black, up to your neck in cold water - while the
spirits of millennia-dead creatures nuzzle your legs under
the surface. Yes, you certainly have been in better places.
You follow the sound of pouring water, either East or South.
[[Follow East|228]]
[[Follow South|235]]Feel better for that? Fate calls. Move it.
[[Next|96]]You are tired but you press on, never losing sight of the
footsteps. They go straight to the horizon, then over the
horizon, and when you follow them some more you discover
that they lead straight to an immense portal in the wall of a
giant, ancient building. It does not look nice at all for it
is covered with obscene carvings and hideous monster
representations, countless numbers of them stretching out
to each side as far as the eye can see. And the footsteps go
straight into the opening . . . why did you stop walking?
Ahh, I see, a message carved in letters thirty centimetres
high in the wall beside the entrance. Most interesting.
What do you mean that you can't read it? It is in Esperanto,
a language spoken by everyone, see ' Vi alveaas je la pordo
de la teruro de . . .' No, I'm not showing off. When this
mission is over you are ordered to learn Esperanto at once.
It reads, in translation, of course: YOU HAVE ARRIVED AT
THE GATE OF THE FRIGHTFUL, OF THE PRISON OF THE
MONSTROUS STAR BEAST. BE WARNED. TO ENTER HERE MEANS
CERTAIN DEATH. WE, THE ANCIENT RACE OF KAKALOKS,
HAVE BUILT THIS PRISON TO SAVE THE GALAXY FROM THIS
CREATURE. AND LITTLE THANKS WE GOT BECAUSE BUILDING
THIS BANKRUPTED OUR ANCIENT RACE AND WE ARE NOW ALL
DEAD SO THE HELL WITH YOU ANYWAY.
You are impressed by this, as well you might be, and
you're instantly faced with the realization that you must
follow the prof into this place.
[[Immediately Follow|96]]
[[Rest First|223]]Great pillars hold up the ceiling. But they are crumbled
and old and at the sound of your footsteps dust rains down
and pieces flake off. You hurry on, trembling with fear lest
the roof drop before you pass through this chamber of
despair.
[[Take the North Exit|253]]
[[Take the East Exit|297]]We all make mistakes. The water has tumbled you around
and around in here, numbing your brain, or what is left of
it, until you discover the only way out is to the west back.
[[Next|222]]A small and dark chamber no bigger than a box. You have
to push your way into it. You can touch the three exits
with your outstretched hands.
[[Choose the Exit to the North|294]]
[[Choose the Exit to the West|202]]
[[Choose the Exit to the East|296]]Attack! Oh you are a reckless one. Straight at the gun. Too
late - his trigger finger tightens and he cackles one last
cackle as the cloud of gas bursts against your face. You fall
into dizzy darkness.
[[Next|82]]You are lucky! You have been spared - the delicate little
thumb of Sadie the Sadistic points skyward. Slobber a bit
of thanks to her.
[[Next|335]]Hurry, run - cover your eyes with your hands to guard
against the sand blowing in the hot wind. This place is
horrible. It is only by touch that you determine that you
have to go either north or south. Make up
your mind quickly!
[[Go North|222]]
[[Go South|220]]This must have been their power-generating chamber for
it is of giant size and filled with the hulking bulks of
millennia-dead machines. You stagger on, hour after hour,
wanting to stop but knowing that you dare not for that
would be certain death. But you manage to keep track of
your wanderings among the machines and finally figure out
that there are only two exits from this place.
[[Go North|220]]
[[Go West|241]]Ugggh! Too disgusting! Go back at once to whence you
came!
Not too good! He dodges your sword and leaps forward,
dagger swishing. You dodge - but not quickly enough.
The hilt catches you on the side of the helmet, stunning
you, and you fall.
[[Next|79]]You are in a room with two doors leading from it and you
hear the roar of the crowd from the arena behind. An old
man stands quavering before you - hark, for he speaks:
'You who are about to die I salute you. It is a noble
thing to die for the Sons of Sadism. I would do it myself
but I am not feeling very noble today. You will have
noticed that one of these doors has LIONS written on it,
while the other is inscribed WOLVES. The choice is
yours - you may pick either one. Why do you laugh so
hysterically, young warrior? Oh, you don't think much of
going into the arena empty-handed. Well here is the only
weapon that I have and it is yours.'
From under his patched and filthy robe, he takes a large
feather and hands it to you. And you take it - too shocked
to do otherwise. You examine the feather - but it is just a
feather. When you look up, the oldster is gone.
Well, no point in hanging about here.
[[Choose LIONS|24]]
[[Choose Wolves|318]]Can this be the end? You are trapped in a strange and
hideous substance that clings and cloys like the deadly
fingers of a long-lost love . . . Yes, all right, I'll save the
saccharine similes for another time. I can only look on at
your silent struggle as you manage to reach the only exit to
the north.
[[Next|208]]You are absolutely right! Through some miracle of mis-
applied millennia-old science the iron floor to this metal
chamber is glowing red-hot. So before the soles of your
shoes burn through hurry...
[[Hurry East|220]]
[[Hurry South|212]]This must have been the aliens' cold-storage locker for it is
cold and dark and filled with large and frozen forms. Could
this be the frozen meat for their alien din-dins, kept safe
here for millennia? You are not hungry enough or warm
enough to find out - and besides, how do you go about
eating something the size of a tyrannosaurus? Your feet
frozen, your hands so numb they are unto blocks of ice,
you carry on until you determine the exits...
[[Exit to the West|234]]
[[Exit to the East|211]]
[[Exit to the South|238]]You are lucky! You have been spared - the delicate little
thumb of Sadie the Sadistic points skyward. Slobber a bit
of thanks to her.
[[Next|335]]You hurry out of this last tunnel into the blessed sun once
more, the murky and dangerous lair of the Star Beast
behind you at last. And your quarry has not yet escaped
you for you see his footsteps proceeding ahead of you
across the sand. You follow them, keeping on your guard.
[[Next|8]]The floor here is as soft as down. You are tired, you need
rest - but you dare not.
[[Hurry to the North|259]]
[[Hurry to the East|295]]Well done! You have cut the robot's club in half with your
sharp blade. He retreats, cursing harsh mechanical robotic
curses - then draws a hammer. Then attacks again. You
step back out of reach and aim a blow at his legs or swing at his head.
[[Legs|258]]
[[Head|262]]You reach for the crown - then stop. Yes, I see it too, a
thin wire runs from the crown down through a hole in the
table. If you pick up the crown, the wire gets pulled - and
something decidedly nasty is sure to happen.
That's it - be wary and stay alive. Step back, extend
your sword at arm's length - and pick up the crown.
[[Next|165]]Wow! What a relief after the molasses room. A long and
cushioned corridor down which you gallop. Around the
bends and through the turns, downhill, faster and faster -
ohh what happiness! Until you crash into the end of the
tunnel. I would sob like a babe as well. There is no way
out! Other than back up the corridor to the west to the
horrors of the molasses room . . .
[[Next|335]]It roars mechanical roars of victory, thinking that it has
you now, leaps forward. But you are a fighting devil, you
are! As it jumps you lash out with your legs and send the
thing sprawling and falling - right back to the edge of the
chasm!
[[Next|316]]You are in a dark room lit only by the feeble light of a
guttering candle. It is hot, close, oppressive, claustrophobic
- stop pulling at the door, it is no use for it locked behind
you. Is there no other way out? Investigate, that's the old
Special Corps way! No windows, that's obvious - and no
doors. Bit of a dilemma this. Yes, I do appreciate your
position. No food, no water, no future. Don't just sit on
the stone floor and be depressed. Keep trying.
You have noticed something! I can tell by the way you
jump to your feet and rush to the wall, to a barely visible
niche there. A handle! Pull it and a secret panel is sure to
open, just like in the bad TV films! No, I didn't notice the
sign under the handle. I do now. It reads: DO NOT PULL
THIS HANDLE!
That is very interesting. Quite an intellectual problem -
not to say one of survival.
How long do I think you have been in this room now?
Well, looking at the candle which is almost out, I would
say it's been about three hours. Yes, the time has arrived
to do something. Yes, I stand corrected, not some-thing
but one-thing, the only thing that you can do.
Pull the handle.
You stand, walk slowly towards it. Seize it. Brace your-
self- and pull!
A trapdoor opens under your feet and, helpless once
again, you fall.
[[Next|239]]'Stop!' the robot commands in a rusty voice. 'Who goes
there?'
'Me,' you respond, with very little imagination.
'Advance, Me, and give the password.'
You move forward slowly and attempt a ruse:
'The password is antidisestablishmentarianism.'
It's a good ruse - but not good enough. Swinging its
club, the robot jumps forward shouting: 'You're a spy -
that's yesterday's password!'
[[Step aside|74]]
[[Parry with your sword|246]]Made it! You are safe on the rooftop and pelting after the
prof, waving your club over your head and crowing with
victory. He stumbles and falls! He is yours! You will grab
him now and save the galaxy and take him to prison and go
home and have a hot bath and all kinds of nice things like
that . . .
Except that he is sitting up and pointing a large and evil-
looking gun at you. He speaks:
'Advance vun step more und I vill pull der trigger and
that will be end of you, dummerkopf!'
[[Attack|231]]
[[Hesitate|10]]Quiet as a mouse you creep, holding your breath, wishing
that you still had the ironbound club with you. But that is
long gone. All you have now are your guts, your strength,
and all the other items in your pockets.
Something stirs - you stop! Nothing, just the wind
flapping the fabric of the balloon. You go forward again
and there before you, you see ...
A rather undramatic row of footprints in the sand. The
professor has gone. You have no other choice - you must
follow him.
[[Next|225]]Not too good! He jumps over your sword and leaps forward,
hammer swishing. You dodge - but not quickly enough.
The head of the hammer catches you on the side of the
helmet, stunning you, and you fall!
[[Next|250]]Trapped like a rat! Stop saying 'eeeek' over and over and
draw yourself together. You can still go back by the door
to the south.
[[Next|244]]The prof's footsteps lead over a hill and on to a paved road
beyond. But which way did he go? There is no one here to
ask and no way for you to tell. So now is the time to use
that complicated technical device the amphisbenic bipolar
determinator, the wondrous APB. Or coin, as you insist on
calling it. Flip it, watch it . . . it's standing on edge. Better
try again. Great.
[[It's Heads|227]]
[[It's Tails|290]]Not too good! It dodges your sword and leaps forward,
hammer swishing. You dodge - but not quickly enough.
The head of the hammer catches you on the side of the
helmet, stunning you, you fall...
[[Next|250]]Yes, it is hard to think with the driving rain, rolling
thunder and crashing lightning - all undoubtedly generated
by a millennia-old machine for some incredibly millennia-
old stupid reason. But with the flashes of lightning you
make out the even darker mouths of the exits. One to the
east, the other to the north. You leave.
[[Go East|294]]
[[Go North|203]]The sign must have been right because no instant death
grabs you - nor a lingering death either. More steps, more
musty smells and scratching of fleeing and unseen rats.
Another door ahead, just enough light from the cracks in
the walls to read what is painted there.
THE JOOL ROOM - KEEP OUT!
Right, they can't spell very well, but maybe they are
better jewellers. You throw the door open and leap through...
[[Next|119]]You can't do it - you're an old softy you are! For as you
walk away you hear the ugly laughter of the brute in
human form as he lays into the robots with a whip. They
scream and he laughs the louder. And you think of all the
friendly felines that will be turned into cat pudding if you
don't stop this monster once and for all and you wheel
about, roaring with anger, and charge forward..
[[Next|157]]Do you see what is carved on that wall! What filthy pigs
these creatures were!! That's right, avert your eyes, there
are some things best not looked at. Look around the room
instead. The door behind you leads to the west, and
another, in front of you, leads to the east.
[[Go West|253]]
[[Go East|293]]There is the stamping of mighty feet ahead of you on the
trail. Before you can find a hiding place a hairy brute with
a great club springs out at you. He is too big to fight,
believe me! No one will call you a coward for running from
a creature like that. He can't be too fleet of foot. Turn and
take off!
[[Next|75]]You have wisely decided to shoot the filthy thing - and I
don't blame you! With careful motions you slot an arrow to
the string . . . draw back the bow -
It attacks! You let fly! Your arrow zings out and you proceed.
[[Next|88]]Here you are in a dusty room with four doors on the far
wall numbered, as even you can see, with the numbers
one, two, three and four. Behind you a sickeningly familiar
voice booms out:
'Choose now, you swinish slaves, choose your destiny!
Pick a door and enter it and see how lucky you have
been! But you cannot enter door four until you have
fought two times in the arena and have survived. So
choose between the other three!'
Well don't ask me - I don't know where the doors lead
to any more than you do. The instructions seem simple
enough: if you like door one then proceed on. Or if
door two meets your fancy you will choose it. However, if
you think that door three is the winner go laughing forth.
Which leaves your only other choice - door four which you
cannot enter now.
[[Choose Door One|285]]
[[Choose Door Two|239]]
[[Choose Door Three|251]]You are lucky! You have been spared - the delicate little
thumb of Sadie the Sadistic points skyward. Slobber a bit
of thanks to her then go on.
[[Next|335]]You run for it knowing that these robots are a worthless lot
and will do nothing to help you. You are right too, for they
are fleeing in all directions crying out with fear. The brute
with the club stumbles over them, but comes after you.
For a thing that size he is pretty fast. You are never going
to outrun him. You turn to fight but it is too late. A great,
hairy, unwashed hand seizes you up. You are helpless in
the powerful grasp. You writhe but cannot escape as the
brute paws through your clothing and finds the Jewel of
the Jungle. Roaring with happiness, it ties you up with
vines stripped from the trees.
This is not too good. If you want to find out what
happens next, go ahead, waiting
won't do any good.
[[Next|70]]You run like crazy down the hall to discover that it ends in
a spiral staircase. Now you hesitate - why? Ahh, you hear
some sound from up the stairs. Sounds like rats to me. But
if you think it sounds like footsteps - who am I to argue?
Up the stairs you run, higher and higher, slower and
slower, panting harder and harder. Not in too good shape,
are you? I can see your point, you would much prefer it if I
were running and you were doing the complaining. Point
taken. Aha! A door, locked, but a few good bashes take
care of that. You are through - and turn instantly!.
[[Next|95]]Along the road, very lonely, not a soul in sight, wind
keening through the branches of the leafless trees like the
ghosts of drowned sailors. And ahead a deep chasm spanned
by a long bridge.
Or rather it used to be spanned by this crummy second-
rate bridge which has now collapsed in the middle. Yes,
thank you for pointing it out: it is obvious to me, or to a
retarded child for that matter, that your quarry did not
come this way. About face and rush quickly to pick
up his trail.
[[Next|290]]Well, what do you know! As the flame comes close and
maniac laughter bellows out . . .
A trident flashes through the air! The brute's wrist is
caught between the tines and pinned to the ground, the
flame snuffed out. Oh, how he roars and swears, but before
he can free himself a net falls and envelops him - while
hordes of laughing sadists rush out and kick him and tie
him up.
Sadists? Of course - they are the Sons of Sadism them-
selves. You are saved! And right behind them is Sadie the
Sadistic herself who cuts your vines and frees you.
'Did you get it? Tell me!' she begs, and you point
proudly to the tree branch where the Jewel of the Jungle
safely hangs. Squealing shrilly, like any young sadist she
pulls it down and spins in happy circles:
'You have done it!' she exults. 'And Sadie the Sadistic
keeps her word. You shall have your reward.'
I wonder what it will be? You wonder too. So let us stop
this feckless wondering and find out.
[[Next|147]]Strong, isn't it! With one swipe of a paw, it tore the sword
from your grasp and knocked you across the room. It has
bounced away - but it will charge again. You are doomed,
unless you would like to hear my advice now. You do?
Good. .
[[Next|326]]You run! And I don't blame you. Crashing through the
undergrowth, around the trees, up the hills and down the
dales until you stream with sweat. You stagger into the
shade of a large tree, panting for breath, turn and look -
And there is the hideous creature just behind you!
No chance to think. Nock arrow, draw bow - and shoot
as it charges and its foul breath washes over you.
[[Next|88]]Through some miracle of millennia-vanished science this
large room has clouds for a ceiling and is filled with a
rushing wind and a driving rain. You quickly have enough
of this. Hurrying, you discover that there is a door to the
north, and another to the west. You leave.
[[Go North|300]]
[[Go West|210]]Not too smart. You can't cut this net and he snares you
with it and hurls you to the ground - and stands on your
wrist with his big foot so you can't stab him with the
sword. He waves his trident at the roaring crowd and
speaks in the direction of the royal box:
'Tell me, oh mighty Sadie the Sadistic, do I kill this
swine or do you wish me to spare its life? Thumbs up for
life - thumbs down and I plunge my trident into its heart.
Which shall it be?'
Which shall it be indeed! A very good question. You
must use your APB to find out. You have just enough
strength left to flip the coin.
[[It's Heads|209]]
[[It's Tails|233]]Not too smart. He cuts the net from your hand with his
razor-sharp sword, beats you to the ground with his shield
- and stands on your wrist with his big foot so you can't
stab him with the trident. He waves his sword at the
roaring crowd and speaks in the direction of the royal box
as he cries out:
'Tell me, oh mighty Sadie the Sadistic, do I kill this
swine - or do you wish me to spare its life? Thumbs up
for life - thumbs down and I plunge my sword into its
heart. Which shall it be?'
Which shall it be indeed! A very good question. You
must use your APB to find out. You have just enough
strength left to flip the coin.
[[It's Heads|274]]
[[It's Tails|243]]The door closes behind you with a sickening thud - there
is no way back. You can stop tearing at it with your
fingernails now! That's it, stand tall, stand proud, accept
your fate like a true Field Agent of the Special Corps. And
I heard that! Muttering insults about me, your only friend,
won't help at all. Hark - footsteps approaching. Another
brute in human form steps from the darkness. He has a
shield on his right arm and waves a sword that he carries in
his right hand. And there is a net over his left arm and he
carries a trident-spear in that hand as well. He speaks . . .
'Lowly worm, you are about to do battle in the arena
for the greater glory of Sadie the Sadistic and her bank
account - long may it grow! Choose your weapons now.
Do you choose the trident and net, or do you prefer the buckler and short
sword? Now choose!'
[[Choose the Trident and Net|100]]
[[Choose the Buckler and Short Sword|173]]Hurrying along you come out of a group of trees and see a
man armed with a brass-bound club strolling towards you.
My, you can move quickly when you want to. Off the road
and into the copse and before he reaches you you have
whisked out your knife and whittled yourself a stout
walking staff. Very smart. Only I would get the knife out
of sight as well.
As the evil-looking customer looms close you must make
up your mind.
[[Ask Him for Information|132]]
[[Ignore Him|154]]Come on now, you can't be that stupid.
[[Next|201]]If you answered that it is the displacement between two
levels of hydrogen, which in the absence of radiative
corrections would be zero due to the Coulomb degeneracy,
score 1,356 points or If you
answered something with a different kind of degeneracy. . .
[[Correcct answer|229]]
[[Wrong answer|89]]
A lot of old rusty machines in here. You walk around them
and find another exit to the north, or you could go
west.
[[Go North|295]]
[[Go West|269]]Is that fresh air that you smell - or only an illusion
generated by a millennia-old fresh air generator? Is it a
fraud upon your senses? Who knows? You certainly don't.
Better move on. A choice of two exits: to the south -
or to the west.
[[Go South|226]]
[[Go West|264]]Flickering and ghastly red light, most depressing. Hurry.
You can head towards the west opening or the south.
[[Go West|244]]
[[Go South|293]]I don't blame you for feeling exhausted - but to stop
now would be to court certain death. The millennia-dead
scientists have done something to the air in this chamber
that has rendered it as thick as molasses. You have to
labour for minutes to draw in one breath of air and labour
for what seems like hours to push your leg forward a single
step against its resisting substance. But you are a battler,
you are! It is hard but you have done it. You have
discovered a way out to the east, and another to the west.
[[Go East|247]]
[[Go West|226]]A long, rusty chamber filled with nameless objects, the
floor covered with cold water through which you wade. It
takes you some time to discover that this place has only
two exits: to the west, or to the south.
[[Go West|227]]
[[Go South|211]]The dragon nods approval and speaks: 'You are for wiser,
oh blood-filled mammal, than this idiot here who just
screamed at me until I had to throw him into the cage.
Now hear this. I am the Star Beast trapped here millennia
ago by the evil Kakaloks. But they are all dead and good
riddance. I could leave now but I kind of got to like the
place after the first million years. I have colour TV, a
good supply of coal, a big potty, so what the hell. I can
also read minds. The professor wants to blow up the
universe which, since I live in it, I am kind of against.
While you want to bring him to justice which is OK by
me. But you get him and get out of here only if you can
answer my riddles. If you don't want to play I eat you
right now. Ready?'
Some big choice! You nod with great reluctance. The
great Star Beast riddle session begins:
'Answer quickly or you become breakfast. Who is
buried in Grant's Tomb?'.
[[It's General Grant|201]]
[[You're Not Sure...|291]]This stone-carved chamber is filled with a secret gas from a
millennia-old source. It is laughing gas and you laugh and
weep with joy and stagger in circles. Get a grip on yourself
That's better. Between bellows of joy you determine that
you can leave to the east, or to the south.
Cackling ferociously you go . . .
[[Go East|217]]
[[Go South|281]]It worked - you are really fast on your feet. You jumped
and the creature missed. But here it comes again and you
have no choice but to jump again.
[[Next|331]]Rattling rocketships! I can't believe it! It worked. The lord
of the jungle has curled up at your feet and is licking your
hand! You have reason to be proud. The crowd goes wild
with applause because they have never seen anything like
this before. That's it, take a bow, wipe the lion spit off on
your shirt at the same time.
Smiling and bowing - and giving the lion a last friendly
pat - you proceed with great dignity..
[[Next|335]]That's it, get into the chair, sit down - Perishing planets!
The seat has dropped open and you are falling, falling...
[[Next|93]]Raiding rocketships! I can't believe it! It worked. The lord
of the plains has curled up at your feet and is licking your
hand! You have reason to be proud. The crowd goes wild
with applause because they have never seen anything like
this before. That's it, take a bow, wipe the wolf spit off on
your shirt at the same time.
Smiling and bowing - and giving the wolf a last friendly
pat - you proceed with great dignity.
[[Next|335]]Darkness engulfs you as you slide down the slippery rock
tube, faster and faster - kind of fun, isn't it? Really, you
don't think it is fun? And there you go cursing again . . .
hark! Is that water we hear? It must be.
Still wrapped in stygian darkness you shoot through the
air. Take a deep breath, that's the way, and . . . SPLASH!
. . . you fall into the underground river. Very good, swim
up, you don't have much choice. Yes, you can suck in
some air now.
You are being carried downstream. About all you can do
is tread water and hope for the best. Yes, that is light
ahead. You are out in the sunshine now. Isn't that a
decrepit bridge we passed under? Looks familiar. So does
the shoreline. If you are tired that little beach would be a
good spot to go ashore, or you could land at
those rocks. If neither pleases you just
hang in there until you are swept around a bend and can
come ashore.
[[Go to the Beach|3]]
[[Land at the Rocks|198]]
[[Choose Neither|2]]With a sudden lithe movement six tonnes of porcuswine
leaps into the air, reverses neatly and lands facing in the
opposite direction. You now find yourself facing the ham
end of the porcuswine, not the world's most attractive sight
either! Before you retreat the prickly porker calls back to
you.
'Most people don't know it, but porcuswine have little
curly tails just like pigs - without quills on them. You'll
see my most attractive caudal appendage just before you.
Grab on, kiddo, because here we go!'
You seize the tail in both hands - and just in time! With
a roar and a grunt the porcuswine is off crashing through
the forest. Branches, twigs, leaves, boulders - everything is
tossed aside and flies by as he thunders along. Singing of
course. This is a pretty revolting way to travel, and you
have really had enough of it and are about to let go when
the creature comes to a sliding halt. There is the sound of
human screaming, a voice crying out in terror, and you run
quickly past the acres of quills to see what it is all about.
[[Next|309]]What a sight! A line of robots walks up, walks by you -
shouting and complaining and crying out. Really crying,
too, oily tears running down their faces. And they have
something to cry about because they are chained together
by a chain that runs through a hole in every robot's head.
You watch aghast, eyes bugging more than a bit, as they
stagger on. Fifty of them at least. And behind them comes
the robot slave master. A burly brute who holds the end of
the chain in one hand, while he threatens them with a
dangerous-looking gun in his other hand. Not only that
but he has a whip made of barbed wire in his other hand
with which he whips the robots so that they scream in
metallic agony.
Don't be snide - of course I can count. And, yes, I can
count to three. I know I said three hands. That is because
he has three arms . . .
Watch out! While we were talking the vicious brute
spotted you: he is raising the gun. Run, fight, do
something!
Too late. Before you can do anything, he leers through
the sights and fires at you point blank!
[[Next|324]]Wonderful! The evil Prof. Geisteskrank lies prone and
helpless, being crushed into the mud by a giant hoof. He is
armed, dangerous, ready to kill you. But can do nothing
for the giant porcuswine has him trapped.
'This is it, old friend,' the porcuswine says. 'It is time
for good chums to say goodbye. I know that you have a
matter-transmitter in your pocket, and I also know that
as soon as you touch this screaming nutcase I have put
the blocks to good things will happen. I know you and he
will matter-transmit the heck out of here. But before you
go - let's have one last rendering of The Pigish Chorus
from Der Meisterswiner.'
And this you do, with enthusiasm, for you owe a lot to
this old porker. You and he belt out the tune accompanied
by the background music of Geisteskrank's pained cries.
Then you are done and the porcuswine lifts its hoof. The
prof grabs for his gun, you grab for him and you press the
button . . .
[[Next|338]]Not too good! He jumps over your sword and leaps forward,
dagger swishing. You dodge - but not quickly enough.
The hilt catches you on the side of the helmet, stunning
you, you fall...
[[Next|79]]The coast is clear. Just jungle outside with a path running
close by. You step out carefully, then walk boldly down
the path. Proud of yourself, aren't you? Yes, you did all
right - if you forget about putting the Roc to sleep. Right,-
accidents do happen.
You make good time for the path is smooth and straight.
While you walk you plan ahead. Bring the Jewel of the
Jungle to Sadie the Sadistic. Find out from her where Prof.
Geisteskrank is hiding. Grab the old nutter - then back
you go. Not bad. I hope it works that smoothly. I'm
getting as fed up with this planet as you are.
Yes, not as fed up because I can't feel all the bug bites
and the knocks on the head. Agreed . . .
You stop when you hear the loud clanking and screeching
coming from the trail ahead. And it is coming towards you.
It doesn't sound too good.
You can stand strong and face up to what is coming march, or if you feel discretion is the better part of valour, dive into hiding in the jungle.
[[Stand Strong|325]]
[[Hide in the Jungle|308]]Whistling happily and twanging your bowstring as you go,
you go. Down the broken-bone road, kicking a skull along
in front of you just for fun. This world has done you no
good, no good at all! You are becoming as hardened as the
most hardened criminal around.
Sadie was right - after less than a day's walk you see the
decayed roofs of a town over the next hill and beside the
road a sign which reads:
ENDSVILLE - POPULATION 467 AND DECREASING RAPIDLY
As you read the sign you hear a scream of pain ending
with a mortal gurgle: and the sign clicks and the number
now reads 466. This is a really tough place. But you must
go on!
You start towards town - then stop as you hear heavy
breathing and cursing coming towards you around the
bend. Where there is heavy breathing and cursing there is
usually someone doing the HB and C you reason. You will
face up to the danger - no turning back now!
You nock an arrow to your bow and wait expectantly.
[[Next|116]]You are the winner! On bended knees the rusty robotic
loser pleads for mercy.
'Oh mighty stranger - you have vanquished me. It
would take but a swing of your mighty sword to polish
me off and send my metallic body plummeting into the
gorge behind me. But mercy, I beg! I am a paid-up
member of the Robotic Guards Union and I retire next
year on half pay. Let me but survive and I will tell you
how to avoid the pitfalls on the far side of this chasm.
Will you do that?'
Being a real sweety-pie at heart you nod and beam...Or you could be strong and make sure this tricky mechanical monster doesn't pull any fast ones behind
your back?
[[Give in and Agree|78]]
[[Stay Strong and Don't Agree|77]]After much shouting, and a few kicks in the can, you get
the robots sorted out and marching in the right direction.
In the lead is a robot who swears he knows where to find
Sadie the Sadistic. You hope so, too, since you have heard
more than enough robotic belly-aching. You wonder who
made these metallic mothers - and just why.
The march continues through the afternoon and the
robot pilot swears that you are getting close to Sadie's
hangout. You hope he is right for your feet are getting
tired and the Jewel of the Jungle is beginning to scratch
where you have it hidden inside your clothes.
Sudden shouting and robotic panic. Their ranks open up
and you see a hairy giant armed with a club on the path
ahead. The creature speaks:
'Arrghh! I'm stealing your robots buddy - and don't
try to stop me! I'm going to work them to death in my
cat pudding factory where we make the best kind of dog
food!'
Decisions, decisions. Should you help these robots? They
mean nothing to you. Or let them go off to a lifetime of
labour in the canine gourmet works?
It is up to you.
[[Fight for Roobotic Rights|157]]
[[Leave them to the Fate they Deserve|268]]What a sight! Blue sky above, red-stained yellow sand
below. Are the red stains blood? I couldn't say, best not to
think about it. Listen to the roar of the crowd. I wonder
what they are so excited about? Oh, yes, I see now, a great
wolf has just entered the arena through a little door. It
howls and yawns, looks about - and sees you. It seems to
be smiling. Or maybe it is just showing you its fangs. And,
yes, it is coming this way. You raise the feather, not really
the best weapon.
It stands before you and howls again, its breath washes
over you in a fetid wave, it approaches . . .
[[Tickle it with the Feather|152]]
[[Jump Aside When it Leaps|183]]Time to think again, if you don't mind. All you have is one
crummy sword with dents in it - against all those thugs in
Endsville. Not too good. See if you can promote something
a bit more deadly from Sadie.
[[Next|41]]Nothing good. Your blow misses and the robot catches you
with a counter-blow. Felling you. Rattling with rage the
thing attacks - but you lash out with your legs.
[[Next|316]]You dive through the door and slam it shut behind you -
and just in time for there is a crunching roar as the tower
falls in. The door shakes and bounces as the stones from
above crash against it. You hear a terrible sound behind
you - you turn and see . . .
Yipes! It is a giant tiglon sharpening its claws on the
rock wall. It hears you and wheels about and roars again -
look at those teeth!
You raise your sword as it attacks. What a puny defence
against a creature this size. One of its teeth is longer than
the sword. I have an idea . . .
[[Stand and Fight, Skipping the Advice|279]]
[[Hear the Advice First|326]]You open the door and step aside. Tonnes of thundering
rocks rumble in and bury the tiglon. Only its tail protrudes
from the mountain of rubble. This twitches once and is
still. What a killer you are! Swaggering you slip your sword
back into the scabbard, stroll across the chamber - then
open the door there and step through.
[[Next|188]]What fear possesses you! I can feel your entire body a-
tremble as the great crashing comes closer. Trees fall and
bushes are uprooted as into the clearing comes . . .
A giant porcuswine. It fixes you with one beady eye and
speaks.
'You know, kiddo, you have a capacity for getting into
trouble that far surpasses that of any human being I have
ever met. I have been watching with stunned amazement
your recent adventure in mutual trust and how all the
other squishy human beings betrayed you. It makes the
so-called lower beasts look good! I have something
important to tell you - but before I do you must choose
. . . and choose well. We are going to sing a song, and if
you choose the correct song very good things will happen
to you. Choose the wrong song and death will fly mighty
close and seize you in its talons.
'Now - what's your choice? Do you want to sing
Rest in the Bosom of the Sty or Swing Low, Sweet
Porcuswine?'
Boy, some choice. This is too important a decision to be
left to chance - or science - so no coin-Sipping this time.
You will have to decide by yourself. Is it going to be the
one about the sty, or do you think you have a far
better chance by living with Swing Low?.
[[The One About the Sty|68]]
[[Swing Low|52]]You've been hit! You cry out!
More in shock than in pain - because you have been
drenched. The gun is an immense water-pistol and you
have been splashed!
The brute realizes his mistake. The water-pistol is for
the robots. If he shoots them with it, they will rust and fall
and suffer the hideous fate of turning to junk.
The robot-slaver drops the gun and reaches for his
sword. But too late! Roaring with sodden rage, you are
upon him, hacking the hangers on his scabbard so it drops
to the ground. Hacking his suspenders so his trousers drop
to the ground as well. Pinking him in the derriere with
your swordtip so he howls and flees. Holding up his
trousers as he goes. A wonderful sight.
The robots seem to think so too. They flock around you
and pat you on the back and say nice things about you -
while you pull the chains out through the holes in their
heads and free them. A large robot steps forward and
kneels before you, seizes up your hand and kisses it getting
it all oily:
'Oh good master, you have saved us,' the thing declaims
in a decidedly tinny voice. 'We had given up all hope until
this moment. You see we are the property of the Duke of
Groann who was an evil master. He beat us and gave us
cheap oil and let our batteries run down and bought
secondhand spares. Then complained that we were doing
second-rate work. Look at the scratches here where he
whipped me. Ohh, it was so awful we could not take it
any more!'
He is interrupted by a small robot with six arms. It flails
its arms about like an intoxicated windmill while it talks.
'The Duke is a monster! He humiliated and beat us
until we cried, then he laughed at our misery. So we had
to escape him. We ran away but we were caught and
condemned to death and we were being marched to the
lake and were to be pushed in and rust away forever!'
At this thought all the robots begin to wail and cry and
fall about. They really are a disgusting bunch of whiners
and you wonder why the Duke didn't junk them years ago.
They group around you and splatter you with oil and it is
time to decide.
Do you want to carry on with this metallic junkyard?
They may be wimps but they are still robots and you could
get some mileage out of them.
[[Enlist Their Aid|317]]
[[Go it Alone|151]]Louder and louder, more and more horrible. Now that you
mention it I do think that your knees are shaking a bit. I'm
sure that it is not fear. Just fatigue. Why don't you take a
rest - sitting down in the jungle where you can peek out
from safety at whatever is coming down the pike? That's
it, slip silently into hiding.
[[Next|308]]You can't fight that thing - so use brains instead of brawn.
Rush over to the door by which you entered, that's it.
Stand there ... wait for i t . . . grab the handle. The tiglon
charges . . . NOW!!
[[Next|322]]Don't be too downhearted, you can't win them all. Yes, I
understand, it's not all that you are worried about - you
would just like to win one once in a while. All right, no
point in crying over spilt milk. Time to put the old thinking
cap on and count your assets. Very few, aren't they? You
still have the matter-transmitter, but you can't use that
until you have the prof by the hand. No swords, no
weapons, your clothing is torn and there is a hole in the
sole of your right shoe. Yes, I do feel sorry for you, but
that is not going to get you very far. And your left foot
hurts. Do you remember why?
[[You Remember Why|11]]
[[You Don't Remember Why|56]]Crunch! The snake contracts and everything goes black.
When it slithers away you can only lie, half-stunned, as the
serpent-master steals everything that you have. The rest of
your smokebombs, your sword - then he roots through
your pockets for the rest. The matter-transmitter doesn't
interest him, but he takes everything else that you have.
Including the seven gold coins.
And when he is all done, just to add insult to injury, he
hisses out quick orders and the snake is upon you again,
wrapping you and dragging you to the edge of the nearby
cliff- and hurling you over!
But you are not dead yet! You clutch at the roots that
project from the cliff, hanging on for dear life, and only
when the snake and snake-master have gone do you pull
yourself back up with the last of your energy.
[[Next|328]]'A wise choice,' the Duke of Groann says, swinging you
up on the horse behind him and galloping off with you.
Down the road you go with the angry cries of the others
ringing in your ears. Goodness - what names they are
calling you! But you care not - for this caper is almost
over. Onward and onward the great horse gallops until you
come to a grassy glade by the banks of a stream. The Duke
stops, dismounts and helps you down.
'And now the truth,' he says, and you do not like the
look of his evil grin. You turn to flee but too late - he pulls
out his sword, knocks you to the ground with the hilt, then
puts the point to your throat.
'Heh, heh!' he chortles. Tooled you - didn't I? If you
want to know the truth I am bankrupt, bust. The bank
took my castle away, I got this nag from Rent-a-Horse
and am behind with the payments, my armour is rusty
and even the gilt on my codpiece is really brass. But you
shall restore my fortunes. Where are the gold coins
hidden? Speak or I lean on the sword and you have
snuffed it.'
No, you don't have much choice. The point of the sword
sinks into your throat and you cry out where the coins have
been hidden. The Duke chortles with joy, cuts your belt
with his sword - then gallops away in a great cloud of dust.
Is this the end? It sure looks like it. You cough at the
dust, seize your waistband, count your assets - which are
zero - and contemplate the future.
Nothing. All your weapons gone, now the gold, the
matter transmitter won't work without the prof being
present. You are doomed forever to this rotten prison
planet . . .
Hist! Listen to me and stop feeling sorry for yourself for
one moment. Now tie a knot in the belt so you don't lose
your trousers and pay close heed. There is one thing I
haven't told you about yet. I was saving it for the right
moment and this looks like the moment. While you were
under hypnosis - you didn't know we had you hypnotized
did you? The Special Corps does not reveal all its secrets!
Anyway, while you were hypnotized, we planted a minia-
ture time machine hi the joint of your right index finger.
All you have to do is crack your knuckle to energize it.
That's it, don't feel foolish, pull hard on your finger. It goes crack.
[[Next|80]]The creature missed again. I agree, it is a little clumsy, but
all it needs is one crunch of those mighty jaws and you
have had it.
You are going to do what? Stare it down? Prove that
human beings can master the creatures of the forest with
steely gaze and power of will? That is really a crazy - I
mean great idea! Good luck - for here it comes again.
Raging and tearing up the sand, teeth gleaming in the fitful
sunshine, closer and closer . . .
You stand your ground, fixing it with your firm gaze
and, still standing and staring, and you proceed.
[[Next|303]]Yes, I agree, tickling wasn't the world's greatest idea. The
great ugly creature simply brushed you aside but at least it
didn't bite you or maul you. And here it comes again!
You jump aside so that it misses you.
[[Next|331]]At least that is behind you! Scramble into the tunnel and
take ten. That's it, breathe deeply. This alien artefact is
dangerous enough - I only hope that the professor was as
fast on his feet as you are. Rested? Right, carry on, not
much choice here. Straight on down the tunnel.
Why are you stopping? I see now, the tunnel ends ahead.
Slowly and carefully now, peering out with extreme caution
Looks clear enough. But counting on past experience
you can't trust a thing in this ancient prison built by the
long dead Kakaloks.
An empty room, a single exit and a pointing arrow with
a sign: AL LA STELBESTO. That's simple enough - to
the Star Beast. Imprisoned here millions of years ago.
Should be safe enough with the beast long dead . . .
Yes, I heard it too. It did sound just a bit like a giant
bestial roar. Probably just the ground settling. Don't think
about it. About all you can do is - shoulders back - walk
proud, into the tunnel.
[[Next|19]]What a walk! A hot day, a rough road, the ropes on your
wrists chafe and hurt. Really rough. The thug who is tied
to you in front pulls on the rope, the mug behind walks on
your heels. This is really bad. So don't swear at me! I
didn't get you into this fix - and I know that my suffering
is at a long distance. Yes, I do sympathize with you. I'll
punch your TS card anytime. But look - the little parade is
stopping! You drop by the roadside with the others and
hark! - the rough-looking type who is tied to the rope in
front of you is talking.
'I hope you have prayed your last prayer to whatever
disgusting gods you pray to, because your life is soon to
end, filthy-one.'
Filthy-one - he's some example to talk! Pot and the
kettle and so forth. But you're right, ignore the insults and
query him as to just what the hell he is talking about.
'I am talking about the Arena of Sadie the Sadistic
from whence no man emerges alive. You been under a
rock or something all of your life that you never heard of
Sadie? Ohh, you just arrived on the planet. Bad luck.
What did you do to get sent to this dump of a prison
planet? Oh, multiple murders with an atomic chainsaw
...'
Well done, a little white lie always works wonders. See
how he moves away uneasily. You have taught him a bit of
respect. Now, when he resumes talking there is a more
humble tone to his voice.
'Well you see, sir, Sadie the Sadistic is a real mean
one. She is head of this gang, the Sons of Sadism, that
rules this entire area with fear and violence. She rules
them with an iron fist and spiked boots. Oh, they walk in
fear of her they do, spike marks all over their backs. We
all do. In order to keep her terrible ruffians happy she
entertains them with beer and circuses. Nobbled that bit
from the Old Romans, only changed bread for beer.
Kept the Arena though, and the Games - and that's
where we are going now!'
Even as your new friend finishes speaking he is kicked to
his feet - while you jump to yours before the boot arrives.
On you march and onward, until at last a gloomy building
appears ahead. Through the gaping portal your band of
slaves goes, into a cavernous room lit by the flickering light
of flame-worms. The portal slams shut behind you and
your bonds are cut away. But there can be no escape for
your little mob is surrounded by heavily armed guards. A
sneering fat swine of a slave-trainer mounts an empty barrel
and speaks:
'Silence oh you slaves who are lower than a snake's
belly. Silence! Let it be known that you are here to serve
our gracious leader, fine woman that she is!, Sadie the
Sadistic.'
At the mention of this name a chorus of groans goes up
from the captives and you groan along with the rest - then
yipe like the rest when the slavers lash out with their
whips.
'Silence swine! You are here to fight in the arena and
will undoubtedly die there. Ninety-nine point nine nine
nine of you slaves do snuff it in there. But die happy -
for you have served a noble cause! Now you will choose
how you will enter the arena. Go - and I mean quickly! -
through that door!'.
[[Next|273]]You have returned to the room with the four doors having
survived the perils of one door you won't try the same door
again. So choose between the others. You can
only enter door 4 if you have been to the arena two times
and have survived your two trips there. Choose!
[[Choose Door 1|285]]
[[Choose Door 2|239]]
[[Choose Door 3|251]]
[[Choose Door 4|102]]Take no chances, that's the way. Crawl by the chair and
down the tunnel and . . .
They thought of this one too. A trapdoor opens beneath
your feet and, scrabble as hard as you can with broken
fingernails against the unyielding walls, you fall down and
down.
[[Next|93]]CONGRATULATIONS!
You have done it! You have succeeded where all others
have failed! You have captured the professor and brought
him safely back to the secret headquarters of the Special
Corps.
His curses as he is led away by the guards are as sweet
music to your ears. But enough - the time has come!
Step forward proudly while I pin on the wings of a Full
Field Agent of the Special Corps!
Blush with pride and hold your head high as you go
forth into the world a changed human being. No longer a
weak and foolish citizen who sings with porcuswine.
You have done it! You have won.
THE END